I love you

 I've been loving you beyond anything I've ever experienced. But you do not love me. You never did and told me I was a nuisance from the beginning and that you didn't want to talk to me. I didn't know that I fell so hard in love with you. So very deeply that I couldn't even admit it to myself. 

I fought against that so much that I went full on kamikaze mode. I never did it like that before. I didn't even know completely what I was doing. It was a crazy, mind bobble passion. If I only knew that you never loved me too and that you didn't even care if I was dead or alive, I would never even exchanged any conversation with you. I hated what I became influenced by almost all of your friends. I learned to never listen to others, especially when they're only gossiping about people. I was so secluded before, not even talking daily to three people on a monthly average for 5 years at least. That's why I was completely off-character and just adapting my speech and behaviour to people as they were appearing. 

I wish you could at least give me a chance to be in your life somehow, because I would really like to have you in mine.

(this last paragraph is the complex shit. again, words are shit, one can't say a millimeter of what wants just with words)

 I always wonder which (if) song you'll sing to remember me.. ;(

 stay with love, will you? it's important. wishing for the fairy tale ❤️ never play with someone's feelings. I'm here because of me, no one else is the culprit for me having survived all the violence.

Face the music

 Facts are:

he never liked me

he never loved me

he treated me badly 

he ignored me

he despised me

he mocked me 

he made fun of me with his friends 

he hated me

he ghosted me 

he gaslighted me

he used me

he didn't defend me

he didn't answer me 

he didn't consider me

he didn't care for me 

Losers

 So when you were down I had to put up with everything and suffer with you and then when you got better you abandoned me, just like everyone who uses me and ditches me. Congratulations, you are the best, no doubt.

 Losing hurtful people is a gain.

 I wake up and I can't see you and that makes me miss you even more.

 yes, Harris, as I inquired you but I didn't say, I do believe in a few absolutes: truth, love, justice, peace. 

 I'm sorry I tried to kill us since the beginning, I was too scared of being trapped, though I still am entirely ours.

 I'll probably never think that I deserve you.

Home

 I wish I had a home

Where I could feel loved

And safe

And where I could sleep 

And bathe

And eat 

With the basic conditions 

I wish that when Xmas

Would come

I could also be

In your loving arms

I think that's how 

A Home should be

 If you ever realise that you can't love anyone else more than you have loved me, come to me, it's okay, it's alright.

2018 on insta, escher birds drawing inspired

 - You have made me see how old I am 

and how much blood I've lost to you

and all the dreams that never got wings.

You made me remember every departure,

everytime goodbye was felt

and each time everyone flew away

never to return with the olive branch 

that proves there's land ahead to go.

You have been known to me since birth

and I know you're only here to my demise. 

1999 ; 2013 ; 2021

 Three times 

I felt my heart die

Breaking inside

To shatter me whole

Three men 

Children of the star

I only knew it late

The story is untold 

Three loves

I thought they were 

For the rest of my life

Now only pain subsides

 Why do we have so much sorrow? Why aren't we glad for our glory? Because it all ends. Nothing is possible to be truly mend.

 I send ppl away cuz they're better off without me that can't do much of anything of this world. yep. :/

My love

 Did I make you an irreparable hurt, my love?

Will you ever find enough solace 

To take away the pain

Will you find in you the understanding 

And greater love under all the wreckage

That I made?

Truth be said, my heart, my lovely,

I have walked belly flat on the concrete

Dragging everyday my guilt and sorrow

Will you still love me ever tomorrow?