Been really sad and really angry for way too long. I like when I can feel a little break from those feelings. Even if it means I am not feeling anything much. 

Maybe I'm refusing to believe

 Why did you sing those songs? Why did you sing that especial song? Maybe I refuse to believe that someone who sang that song in that way doesn't exist as beautiful and wonderful as I thought you could be. 

I wish we were ours to hold and to keep, I wish all our dreams were real and we could actually make a difference together again in this world. 

 Of course I am worried about you, I love you and wish you are well. That's all.

 to think that you and I could actually save the world...

it was the last chance 

and we messed it all up

 What you are is what you see; reach out and touch your reflection.

(this was what I wrote on Instagram when I posted a photo I had taken of a sunset and trees reflection on the window of a building)

To love them

 I have loved them more than life itself and yet they didn't love me or even wanted to know me. I was in such a mess that there wasn't much to know on the present except for all my love for them and what I was doing.

Even when I risked my life and sacrificed myself they didn't realise it, they didn't know, they never cared. 

And that's life, how everyone says, there's no justice or balance, or people aware of things and being good to each other. 

Everyone is conditioned

 - I guess one of the biggest artistic disappointments I had, was when I realised everyone was just a copy of their references, having been influenced by their cultural environment and all. It's a bit like if they read books and then just repeat everything they ever read. There's no original thought, no parting waters, no nothing. 

Okay, you might say that people chose it according their liking, but it happens that their likes are also influenced by whatever they consumed. So it's the snake eating its tail" with no shed of skin... Probably because most people don't think that much about everything, nor do they take time to do so, and that obviously results in not creating anything with the original thought per se. Because if the only thing close to possible freedom that there is, is freedom of thought, you can never be a so-called pioneer if you keep on just replicating or "trying to get inspiration" out of others. 

Anyway, I guess I still fight everyday somehow to make me and everything around a little bit better than the previous day, and realising again how pathetic we humans are, weighed again on the dismaying department 🤷🏾😒 (if only we were not conditioned to violence and lies and such, and instead unharmedly to the unabridged goodness)

[this txt was published on my Instagram] 

to space and beyond

 Beyond, break through and broken too I'm a fckng buzzlightyear-armstrong-interstellar badass mf🤟🏾

 It's all over now, nothing left. Empty. Drained. Broken heart and misery. Nothing good for me still. Just suffering as always. And hoping for a better day.

r.i.p. uncle R.

I know now

 I know now what is the allure, why it doesn't go away, why your name keeps coming to my head when I meant to think of other persons; it's because you knew how I felt all the time. And that's why, it seems, I can't get you totally out of me. Deep inside you're always there. I guess it makes sense, since I've always really wanted someone to know me truly in everything I felt, without even needing to say a word. 

Can it be possible that the neurotic empathy, turns out was felt both sides? That would again reinforce the same soul thing and the supposed connection.