You're the only thing worth it.

 Preparing for my own death should be easier by now... :/

Understanding

 But now that I understand what is behind it and that I know what I need and what I do not want anymore, maybe I can accept it and turn it all around. I wish I could. 

Now I need it also, to feel complete and well finally because I can speak up and say that I really do deserve more. You all were right. Thank you for abandoning me.

Since I realized it a few years ago...

 The fact that I can't really love truly someone nice, because my formation of what love feels like and is, when I was a kid, that was made through the extremes of violence of someone who is violent and the one who was the sufferer of that violence, I have to come to a mindset of resignation that I won't ever be in an amorous relationship with someone ever again.

 While there's no pardon
there is no rest
Guilt takes our best
And makes us abandon

Please don't forget.

 All I ever wanted was to be free

by being with you again.

 As soon as I entered they were singing "É Doce Morrer no Mar". ;(
What am I without the sea?

How can one live like this?

Everyday that I wake up I wish I hadn't. 

Can't eat, can't sleep, no house, no love, no nothing. 

All the noise, the lack, the hell, only. 

Finding reasons is impossible, so illusory, and hobbies are even getting harder to carry on. 

Too many years like this. With no dreams that can be accomplished. 

And only 24/7 pain all over. 

You're never there, You're always there

 I call for you but you are nowhere to be found
I can't tell if you're still there
And then I catch a glimpse of the moon
As I go by the window

While I was listening to oldies on the radio
And dicing some vegetables for a stir-fry
I recalled our conversations again
So few, but so precious, for me at least
Because now it's all I can remember of us

When you leave me alone I fall into a pit 
Of darkness and emptiness
But then I remember that song again
And think to myself with aching chest
Filled with misery and woe:
We did our best nonetheless 
But I was stupid to spoil it all
And you were careless to let it happen

I would surely go back now to that point
Yes, now I would, because I deserve to know
I deserve to see it enroll and not sacrifice myself
Not again at least, I've even asked a girl for you,
So that it would put an end to all the pain
But funny how sometimes it's fine 
But sometimes it comes hurting all again
Exposing the utterly and undenying truth
That I've loved you for all this time.

(you were always on my mind - elvis ; today earlier radiofeels)

 You have no idea, do you?