The privilege

 To be truly loved by you, what a magnificent honour and privilege it would be.

I miss you so f*cking much, what about you?

It's all good

We can't blame ourselves, just let us forget what happened and carry on well, because the love between exists and it can be there still and quiet, dear and nice, just to tap into when we need our comforting that we used to give each other. I do love you, I hope one day the hurt goes all away from you and the love remains. 

You

 You made me realize so many things about myself. You made me suffer too. You destroyed me after building me up. Broke my heart after filling it. You don't even bother to ever apologize for all you did to me. And the truth is I never imagined you would. You have no conscience. I always knew that, it was just an acquired fact. 

It seems...

 So there is something, just like all the strength of the emotion we once felt together, but what am I to do with it, specially under my circumstances and you not feeling it as me? Just let time pass and believe? If I knew what I saw was true, I would wait 20 years, yes, but I don't have much health now, actually fading away and your lack of care for me just makes it all worse.

 I don't love you anymore, you have hurt me too much and I wouldn't ever want to be with you again. 

Letter to my crazy boy

 My dear beloved crazy boy,

I'm writing you this letter in order to tell you that I loved you more than life itself, like a mother loves her child. But you were never mine and that is fine. Thousands of women have nurtured you in so many ways. Maybe I was one of them just for an instant, a split second, before our fated death. 

I have watched you grow and sent you everything that could be good for you, even a big healthy love for you to call your own and know in this life of yours. 

My beautiful crazy giant child, how was I to know what you really wanted, right? But even so you got it and will get it all. 

If your heart is sick and your mind is wicked I don't know if you're just having all the blessings for the karma and dharma, or if it will accumulate for your next life. Truth be told, I don't know nothing about it, you know how I don't (can't) believe in anything. 

In you I don't have to, because I know and can see all your potential and I don't mean like a person but rather as a professional. 

Anyway, maybe I will write to you some other time, perhaps if I find myself thinking of something that I should really tell you. Either way, there's nothing we can say to each other that is more worthy than staying in silence, except of course to try to tell how much we love each other, were it true. 

P.S.: I know you are not crazy at all. :)

Specificating

 Okay, so it's not that it isn't real, but that it is not practical in reality. 

Overflow

 Though I couldn't bear

To know that you loved me

I wish everyday that I'd know

That I could be sure somehow

Instead of lying in bed everyday

Spending all the time wondering

If you really love or hate me

Because I can't know for sure

And I grew on liking that its secret

So deep and so incomprehensible

That only us can feel its nature

Deep inside taking on the universe

If we even dare to think about it

And then we ourselves can't take it

Its overflowing and immensity

People, opposite to ourselves,

Won't think we're crazy lunatics 

Like we think of ourselves and all.

Stay very still

 I'm remembering again that nothing is meant to, at least no good thing, it's just as I always thought, you can do stuff for your own self, not counting on things to happen or even waiting, it's all chance; just take it for all these years you suspended everything and really nothing of much happened without being the one or two things you were doing. 

That whole "stay very still" so nothing of troubles come all the time; of course, with so many variables now, there is a lot happening all around though. 

But not exactly for you, if you keep really still, you may find your ostracism track again. 

 Yeah, it's just like that, we are all going to die and I am closer to that than everyone else I know. Being ignored and despised was the best and I know I am the one to blame, 'cause I made it on purpose, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt about it everyday.

I just couldn't do it.