Dreaming with you always makes my day feel blue afterwards when I wake up.

 When you make Love your religion that too becomes an opium. I'm glad I have no religion whatsoever anymore.

Wishing for the safety of protection

 As an older daughter I was parentified and never had any protection, against anything.  So it's all I needed in every form possible, in the extreme it would be: 

A) Physical — someone who makes the world feel less dangerous

B) Emotional — someone who holds me when I collapse

C) Existential — someone who makes life feel less pointless/chaotic

D) Relational — someone who chooses me firmly and consistently

E) Intellectual — someone who helps me face the world with competence

F) Health/Somatic — someone who helps me care for my body and not fight it alone

G) Social — someone who stands with me in front of others

H) Financial/Practical — someone who helps carry the logistical burdens of life

 "I fell for you like a child, oh but the fire went wild" 😐 

(ring of fire - Carter and Cash)

Please come back

 Can you please come back? It's been a while and too long. I love you, I miss you, I'm obsessed by you (sorry, but it's only enormous love, maybe with still a bit of limerence, but I learned that co-dependency is what a relationship is truly about).

My insides just fired up only because I happened to have seen a comment of yours confirming that you liked precisely the song that made me think of you. The way you used to call me, for the first time ever I was called like that, it was by you. 

Are you good? Are you really good? My goodness. 

God, I'm so hopeless and lost.

Why do you always like the songs they do for me? I bet you don't even know they were for me. The one she did the other time with my lyrics. And now the one he did this time by my suggestion and then he even dedicated to me. I hope the song helped you in some way a little maybe for you to process your mourning too. 

You knew you were all family to me and I didn't have anything. Still you left me stripped of everything. It's all good. It's all okay. I've got my heart with all this love still and it's not hurting anymore. Thank you.

,(clearly not healed from my love illness lol 🤦🏽🥺💔 or maybe it's just the residue in my nervous system 

-Reasoning:  "you don't actually miss them, you miss moments from the past and the connection, the way you were acknowledged and they made you feel seen. Music is dangerous because its tied to memories and limerence loves that." WELL I KNOW I MISS THEMMM! FOR THEM. FOR WHAT THEY WERE AND DID AND SHOWED. BULLOCKS!)

 after all the carnage I don't know who is still alive

I still love everyone I left behind 

If you were ever loved by me know that I wish you well and I still live in hell 

Now death is all around. Bombs are falling upon us. Suddenly we're attacked by others on the streets. Thousands and thousands killed. Everyone is facing dread. A stressful environment 24/7. We succumbed. The children were blown in pieces. Our heart has break. Ten thousand times. Millions a day. 

No one is safe. What happened to the human race?

Heart

 Even if you are on the dark side of the moon, or in the deepest ocean abyss, the love there is still reaches you there, unafraid, I am not in control of it, I guess I never was, even though I tried so hard, made my heart bleed to disguise, to forget, to wake up to reality, but it's not here, it's been hijacked, put ofy chest. There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry too.

We drove each other mad (-ly in love)

 Maybe we only drove each other mad because we loved each other. Or maybe it was just because we got to the point of hating each other. They say love and hate are very similar in terms of chemistry. I guess we're not that good in balancing the dosage. 

There are many people who have those kind of love/hatred relationships, but that was not our case. In the end it's just a matter of being mad because we're not controlling anything anymore and we're not sure of what is going on, so we turn on each other like impatient rabid dogs because we don't want to be messed with. My peace is the most important thing, but it must be a real one, not out of suppression letting unresolved or unsolved this. I'm glad we're clear now. Yeah, you hated me from the start just as I thought you did. I should hate you in the end, for the bad things you did. 

But then again, I am not you and you're not me. So I guess it was all just to pretend. 

another thing I put on my insta bio

unbelonging, ontologic exile, private interiority.

 They killed Good

And let Evil go on

They take people's food 

And tell us to carry on

(Renée Good killed by ICE in the USA)