To my old friend, eternal absent

Can we just talk?
I know it's very hard to forgive ourselves, if not impossible, but can we not overrate our illnesses and forget that we're sick, just for an instance.
There's always something, once in a while, that I'd like to tell you. As you were my friend I imagine you can understand what I'm talking about.
Can we please understand and realize ourselves of all the time we will have lost till we're gone, that we didn't talk, that we didn't speak to each other. Do you want to loose?
Did you meant to loose me? If you're that bad, if you meant just to use me, why did you even bother to apologize after we were done? Was it just to feel good? Was it because your therapist told you or just because you need to feel that you're in control manipulating others?