Misandria

 I just hate men right now, they are all so fucking stupid.

I cannot

 I cannot remove you from my heart 

With my weak empty bony hands 

Or take you out of my fragile mind

With my broken illusory memories

I cannot fix my stomach ache

With you swallowed whole

Cross my throat to the belly

Arms outstretched on my chest

I cannot erase your face and name

From my blind eyes and mute lips

For they are both engraved in flames

Ever burning for you my desire

Dear Da

 You weren't right my dear D., years back he didn't really forget and we never got the chance and now I think unfortunately you were not guessing it either. My bad, as always. I just miss him and all the things that were so valuably of his and that he gave of himself. I am the most sad person to have lost him on my account of all the things I stupidly unknowingly did because of the idiotic anxiety and hyperadrenaline. I'll probably just keep hating myself for it and never recover my health and die here, all alone and unloved. 

The "romantic field" not romantic at all.

 I'm tired of all the lovelorn situations involving me. Especially when I fall in love with people who don't live me back and people fall in love with me without even having almost any communication with me, not knowing me at all. 

Right now, for instance, I'm trying to not think anymore of this conundrum of having been rejected by the person I loved the most; having also rejected a kid of twenty years; having to decide when and if I am going to accept to meet with my former long time boyfriend that I haven't seen in 5 years (who is now 52); and to make things worse having seen again someone (25) I think we fell in love with each other some years ago too. 

Wait to go hahaha and while everyone is saying I must do a cleaning of traumas and spiritual growth. 

I'm going to be now very still and pretend it's nothing to do with me (like animals play dead as instinctive protection). Worse thing is that I am just postponing it lololl 

I really need to rest from emotional troubles all the time. 

I thought you were the love of my life

 You were my constant reason to be sad and feel this ache in my stomach. I told you how you made me joyful so many times when you sang. I thought you were singing to me, but you were always singing for her, I had to think that way in order to stop kidding myself. You never told me how you loved me, if you did at all. You left me knowing that you were everything to me and that I hadn't got any joy but you. 

I loved you all that time, wishing you well and caring for you every second. You never gave me a chance to be with you. You were never even in love with me as some people used to say and suspect that we were together. I thought we were together always. But it was just me wanting you, all just wishful thinking. 

I thought we were each other's. 

 You are the only one I want in my life, to have and to hold. 

 Who's gonna wait at night for you to sing?

 Once again I was exchanged for someone else. And this time I didn't even get a chance lololl 

I don't see how you won't forget me and we'll meet when many years past, I really don't understand. Though I imagine that if that's true it was really because we both had to do that growing till then. 

Why couldn't we be normal like every other case? 

 I wanted to see you swirl under the rain
Arms wide open
Kissing it from my face

I wanted to see your naked body
To see how you were beautifully made
As the potent sculpture that you are

And the most of all I wanted us
Cuddling in a warm embrace
To never be again apart

 I only wanted to know if you love me too more than everything there is.