The person

 Someone who sees the beauty in little things and is always present in the moment, aware of others and caring and admirable in every way. Someone who gets emotioned and is able to control themselves before saying or doing something bad towards someone. Someone who we can always count on and chooses us and wants to spend the whole life together, never jeopardising what we got. Someone who gives you peace, security and you feel relaxed with. Someone we're happy with and have fun with and share the lesser good times. Someone to live in a relationship and partnership and wholeness of respect and love.

The world is unfair..

 ... starting from the fact that Earth is called Earth when it's mainly composed of water.

Because of you

 Because of you, many women were completely destroyed in their minds and their sense of self worth. You made them doubt their own sanity, denying any relation with them, ghosting and gaslighting them. 

The confided in me with their troubles, went after me, trying to get some answer, some reason why you acted like you always did with them. My empathy was first with you, when I didn't know their version of the story and later on it was with them trying to save them from further torment, as I later on discovered by myself, what you are capable of. I don't think it's entirely your fault, as everyone in these matters, but you do seem to suffer from a very serious personality disorder, probably so insensitive as a borderline person, and you shouldn't be talking to any woman at all. Because of you, one of the young girls was really not well and the other got so sick she had to go to psychiatry. And me? I think you done me more harm than you ever did to anyone else, but with all that I learned a lot and I will never be gullible again. So thank you for the lessons and I am sorry that I loved you and them, caring so much for everyone to be okay. I'm glad you all are better now and I hope no one ever goes through something even a bit close to what we all been through. 

Not a bad person, right?

 Okay, so I am not a bad person at all, I just made a really bad mistake when it came to you all, because circumstances hurt me so bad and drove me mad. 

Never going to interact with the same kind of people who have so much avoidance problems that make ghosting and gaslighting their natural activities and are so insensitive, plus made my anxious and attached personality come up so bad. Glad I'm not that person anymore and I don't give a damn to anyone's manipulative attempts of making me try to help with everything they need. 

Everyone is a just a copycat

 - I guess one of the biggest artistic disappointments I had, was when I realised everyone was just a copy of their references, having been influenced by their cultural environment and all. It's a bit like if they read books and then just repeat everything they ever read. There's no original thought, no parting waters, no nothing. 

Okay, you might say that people chose it according their liking, but it happens that their likes are also influenced by whatever they consumed. So it's the snake eating its tail" with no shed of skin... Probably because most people don't think that much about everything, nor do they take time to do so, and that obviously results in not creating anything with the original thought per se. Because if the only thing close to possible freedom that there is, is freedom of thought, you can never be a so-called pioneer if you keep on just replicating or "trying to get inspiration" out of others. 

Anyway, I guess I still fight everyday somehow to make me and everything around a little bit better than the previous day, and realising again how pathetic we humans are, weighed again on the dismaying department 🤷🏾😒 (if only we were not conditioned to violence and lies and such, and instead unharmedly to the unabridged goodness)

[this text was written on Instagram with a reels sounding the voice of Krishnamurti talking about something related]

 The realisation of the fact that I will be completely alone and helpless in this world is heartbreaking. 

Pain

 you only think about your pain

and never in all the pain you caused

with your manly man game

unlike myself that thought of yours

and tried to save you from it

when you only made me insane 

Falling in love

 The rain fell in love with the earth

The earth fell in love with the sea

The rivers fell in love with their margins 

The bees fell in love with the flowers

The skies fell in love with the stars

The sun fell in love with the moon

The clouds fell in love with the rain 

Our Love

 Our love does not exist because of some kind of sickness or neediness, but because we recognised something in each other, like our experiences and heart and scars, and held our hands tight and stood together in silent and in pain and laughter and even insane maintaining a reason , being a guiding light amidst all the emptiness and pandemic darkness.

Our Love was hope when all hope was gone, and strength when all there was was tears, moreover it was joy when all laughter was silenced, and it was life when everyone was dying. 

 When you put everything into a page it will always hurt someone.

A simple kind of life

 Learn the joy of an common life and you'll never be bored.

it's one of the worst things

 to feel like you have ruined your only chance in life and you have to keep living knowing that time doesn't go back.

 I like people who get excited seeing the wonders of nature. I wish I would meet more people like that.

How could you?

 How could you do me so much harm, hurt me so much on purpose, and never love me and care for me, as I always did for you? How can you not see the damage you made to all of us who loved you and cared for you? 

Sometimes I excuse you saying to myself that you can't love, that you were made like that, but I know you loved others and cared for others. All the time I felt guilty and thinking that it was because of me, I was neglecting the fact that you made me suffer from the start by neglecting and ignoring me. The likes of you make people kill themselves thinking they're worthless, just because you didn't give your kindness and love to them and instead made them go ill and crazy. 

pandemic grief

 there used to be a silent ache that united us all. now it's what separates us all.

 Been really sad and really angry for way too long. I like when I can feel a little break from those feelings. Even if it means I am not feeling anything much. 

Maybe I'm refusing to believe

 Why did you sing those songs? Why did you sing that especial song? Maybe I refuse to believe that someone who sang that song in that way doesn't exist as beautiful and wonderful as I thought you could be. 

I wish we were ours to hold and to keep, I wish all our dreams were real and we could actually make a difference together again in this world. 

 Of course I am worried about you, I love you and wish you are well. That's all.

 to think that you and I could actually save the world...

it was the last chance 

and we messed it all up

 What you are is what you see; reach out and touch your reflection.

(this was what I wrote on Instagram when I posted a photo I had taken of a sunset and trees reflection on the window of a building)

To love them

 I have loved them more than life itself and yet they didn't love me or even wanted to know me. I was in such a mess that there wasn't much to know on the present except for all my love for them and what I was doing.

Even when I risked my life and sacrificed myself they didn't realise it, they didn't know, they never cared. 

And that's life, how everyone says, there's no justice or balance, or people aware of things and being good to each other. 

Everyone is conditioned

 - I guess one of the biggest artistic disappointments I had, was when I realised everyone was just a copy of their references, having been influenced by their cultural environment and all. It's a bit like if they read books and then just repeat everything they ever read. There's no original thought, no parting waters, no nothing. 

Okay, you might say that people chose it according their liking, but it happens that their likes are also influenced by whatever they consumed. So it's the snake eating its tail" with no shed of skin... Probably because most people don't think that much about everything, nor do they take time to do so, and that obviously results in not creating anything with the original thought per se. Because if the only thing close to possible freedom that there is, is freedom of thought, you can never be a so-called pioneer if you keep on just replicating or "trying to get inspiration" out of others. 

Anyway, I guess I still fight everyday somehow to make me and everything around a little bit better than the previous day, and realising again how pathetic we humans are, weighed again on the dismaying department 🤷🏾😒 (if only we were not conditioned to violence and lies and such, and instead unharmedly to the unabridged goodness)

[this txt was published on my Instagram] 

to space and beyond

 Beyond, break through and broken too I'm a fckng buzzlightyear-armstrong-interstellar badass mf🤟🏾

 It's all over now, nothing left. Empty. Drained. Broken heart and misery. Nothing good for me still. Just suffering as always. And hoping for a better day.

r.i.p. uncle R.

I know now

 I know now what is the allure, why it doesn't go away, why your name keeps coming to my head when I meant to think of other persons; it's because you knew how I felt all the time. And that's why, it seems, I can't get you totally out of me. Deep inside you're always there. I guess it makes sense, since I've always really wanted someone to know me truly in everything I felt, without even needing to say a word. 

Can it be possible that the neurotic empathy, turns out was felt both sides? That would again reinforce the same soul thing and the supposed connection.