When you stumble and fall, you're given the opportunity to lift yourself up; while when you're standing you can only jump to be higher.

Being conflicted with oneself can be very romantic, but it's only that. To be a writer of its own life is quite a genius act.

Once you've been hurt when you were a child, you'll never heal in your lifetime, because it takes another lifetime to be reborn.

On the human World's terror, hatred, violence, greed and selfishness.

When they hit Damascus my artistic soul bled... and when they hit Paris my artistic heart cried. Among all the horrors and terror instilled around the world, my limbs are stuck, they are gangrenous by the hatred and the violence.
It comes to mind the phrase said by Audrey Hepburn, that each one of us with age understands that we have two hands: one to help ourselves and one to help our next. 
It is quite a true shock to realize that people don't understand that they should help each other in their lives and that they only have one life to make the best with it.

And such is life...

a finite succession of unfinished days. 

Two things motivate people's actions: one is Fear and all its outcomes normally turn out wrong; and the other is Hope, though it often ends in frustration it's much less harmful than the  actions motivated by Fear.

the end of keeping private started with notes to self and taking selfies

Heart and Mind

What happens when you open your heart?
It can go nicely but you run the risk of getting it hurt.

What happens when you open your mind?
It only gets better.

Red at heart and blue at soul.

I shall not falter, for the strength is mighty even if the road is and always will be long.

The couple's commitment.

 - Do you truly and utterly love her more than life itself, just as she is?

Will you always be there, even when it's hard and seems impossible, even when it's all the same, even when it's needed to be more brave than usual? Will you listen to her and pay attention and make everything in your power to make her happy?


- Do you truly and utterly love him more than life itself, just as he is?

Do you absolutely love him just as he his and you won't want him to change, or wish he was more romantic, attentive, or anything else?
Will you always be there, even when it's hard and seems impossible, even when it's all the same, even when it's needed to be more patient than usual?


- Then, "you have my blessing".

Cast Away

Where did we lost our way?

Far in the distance, as far as the sight can reach the horizon, we see the menacing clouds speeding toward us and as the lightnings make your inside crumble and the rays make you temporarily blind, we fall deeper into the cracks of the Earth and into the desperate revolving waves.

How far is too long?

I've come across you too many times and did not touch you..., I did not hear you or saw the color of your hair.
Now you're down on the road, laying down, again your face on the dirt, and you'll never be the same.
What has broken now, will be forever broken; what has endured now, will be there forever.


[night when J in hospital accompanied by her J]

An important lesson!

The ultimate key to letting go of people that you cared for, is to think that they will be fine without us.
This thought is important: "they will be fine without me". It accumulates both the disappointment that one feels and also the knowledge that the're cared for with someone else and therefore they don't need us anymore.

(when you feel that no one loves and you feel like crap :D)

When you feel that nobody in the whole world who loves you, probably you're also not that much in love with yourself either. You have then to make an effort to find something inside, even if little, that is worthy of love, though all you can see is just a kind of ash and blood. 

Lesson to be written - Don't do everything for someone (as I did especially for youngers trying to protect them) or they'll grow without developing their innerselves and become nothing (and exclude you like you're nothing too).
Nobility of character must be worked on and improved by investing in inner personal development, otherwise you're just an hamster in the wheel, doing but not being.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. - Jiddu Krishnamurti"; so I'm glad I'm as not adjusted as it gets, for I manage to not do anything at all of what everyone else does by society's customs and be everything almost no one is

The faulty humans

Since men exist they've been fighting and unleashing violence.
Most of people just wants to live their lives with no worries and no cares. They don't want to be better humans, they don't strive to be superior, they're content in their mediocrity of the daily life chores.

And that's is some of the reason why I can't have faith in humans at all. Though having a loving nature makes it a hard lesson to learn once and for all and let go of all those faulty humans.

("a minute of silence" for those who don't have world in their minds neither humanity in their hearts)

Since young, I've seen a lot of people being subjugated and diminished by others to a point that they themselves believe that they are less than what they really are and that they need other people in order to do things and survive. That's why slowly I've gained an awareness about these people of bad character, basd personality, and that need to subdue others, to feel needed and to have power over others, because if they don't, they themselves don't feel worthy of anything.

I don't know who is more fearful and insecure, but I know one shouldn't be stepped on by anyone, and everyone should be and feel free, and be happy and content with what they truly are independently of others, and discover who they really are and have strength and believe in themselves and not make others their crutch.

Closeness in the wide wide web.

Being close in the wide web, every single day I communicate through Facebook with everyone online and I know that by doing so I'm closer to them even if they are in their whirlwind lives.

There was a time that, when studying communication, we were led to believe that the digital tools such as the Internet were leading us to an illusion of proximity among each other. And many times we can see the number of people that are in the list of friends on Facebook and we don't even know them personally, though we feel close to them.

Nowadays, I can observe that the proximity is only an illusion if we make usage of the tool in that way. That is, if we just use it to create the illusion of the proximity, like for example when adding people to our list of friends and that's it, not engaging in furthermore actions or connections, even if it's just to put a "like" or a sticker in a comment.

Another misusage is to replace the personal/physical encounters just by having the chats and another services of short messages on a constant use with another person. Not only that fulfills our need of communication with the other but also provides us with an excuse to not leave the daily "hamster's wheel" and actually do what we want and see someone that we really want to see. For nothing will replace a heartfelt hug.

Wishful thinking, along with hope anf faith is just a way humans invented to escape dealing with reality, and by doing so, they're losing the opportunity to prevent and analyze productively the situations as they present themselves.

Subway thoughts: I get the vibe that if people could hear each other's thoughts they would punch each other every second of the day. :D

when you feel an emptiness in your stomach and it's not hunger, it's thirst for art and culture...

Almost unbearable.

I see the world, I look at every corner I can glance,
and all the beauty that accumulates is overwhelming;
I watch the gruesome actions of Men, the horror and the stupidity,
and all of it is so sordid and senseless that it becomes unbearable.

And now and again I sink in nostalgia, or I dive in dreams,
because it's so much easier to dwell in good moments,
though the feeling of them slipping through the fingertips of the mind
can be quite frustrating and again unbearable.

Sliding back and forth in the unbearable lightness of existing
and the darkness of being
I can hear the heavy rain tap on the door and scratching the walls
and then the thunders come and kick them down,
make them disappear in massive explosions,
and all this just to show me that I can bear it all.

Our need to anthropomorphize everything since animals to machines, is not only an exercise of the ego but also a means to fight loneliness.

I have the melancholic Autumn in my body and the harsh Winter in my soul;
I wish Spring would shine upon my hair and Summer would bathe me with its sun.

How grand... People just spend their lives as mere slaves of illusions about love, money and other fabricated ideas.

You can be hopeless, you can be a romantic and you can be a hopeless romantic, but in each case you're completely screwed.

How hard is it to find someone emotionally strong and at the same time emotionally beautiful...
Is it because of our nature of duality that we've all got a bad side, that everyone has a trigger that sets them mad, or furious, or just angry?
Or is it possible that the human being can develop and grow only focusing in the good part, becoming with everything good, uprising against the bad?

Atypical

A woman who has self-esteem and good character, who is not bitchy, who is not a mother with children but a mother to many people who need it; not someone's wife but a life companion, who is more profound, intimate and doer of the true love; not wearing heels, not wearing make-up and not having emotional voids filled by shopping.

Everything, since dreams to reality, is just a distraction from the fact that we are all going to die one day.

Not knowing what day is it, is the best way not to grow old; unless you're already old and that's the reason you don't know what day is it. :D

Always be strong, always be bold

don't be regular, always be bold, 

never italic but always underlined, 

you are the words of the origins, 

the seeds of the crops

the sky of the sea

and the wind that moves the tide

always be bold, always be strong

for you are the heat of the sun

and the ray of the lighting storm

you are the pure energy that's unique in the world, 

always be strong always be bold.

Who knew clarity was this confusing? :D

It's always a good time for an intelligent revolution.

Status :

Listening to incredible old improvs (forcefully opening the eyes during hyperadrenal brain activity, recorded at dawns) and feeling like sometimes there is poetry that contains bits of the philosophical stone, and probably too precious and critical to be shared.

I almost kind of miss the time when the Internet was analogical, because everyone should reallyslow down and not be like dodos rushing so much towards the abyss.

Human wonders:

Yes, ignorance is a bliss but self-delusion is even more marvellous, though both end  up with terrible effects.

the same latent freight that one feels to let oneself write (of that unleashing),  is a bit like with sex - a slight scare of losing control, of getting too wild, too perfect, too overwhelmed

Discontinued perfumes, products and people, that fit a function ideally, are really hard to replace once they're gone.

Sisters

Have you seen my hands? Have you looked at them lately? Have you seen how you left them, what you took from them, leaving them completely empty?

And I am like you, sister, I am equal to you: made from the same earth, from the same water, from the same blood and bones and flesh... and still... you don't see me.

I bend my body to grab what fell and between my legs, behind me, there's a mirror where I see a prolific heart. Where is that heart?

Some people win the lottery the day they are born and some people win it on the day they die.

You can't stop time, you can't rewind it, you can enjoy but when you can't everyone asks why is worth it to carry on.

Yes, you can develop to be a good cook by learning and improving techniques, but you can't create something that is born with you like raw talent. And that is what distinguishes great writers and artists. They can make "magic" :)

Money creates Waste.

Poetry, like all arts, just exists in people's mind, so one has to have it in the mind to see it. It's all a matter of the mind's perspective.
Since an early age, when I became a poet at 13, I've gone through stages regarding it. Thus, poetry and being a poet has been perceived by me as a necessity, a curse, a matter of survival, something that doesn't exist at all, and even craziness.

I guess that looking at the World and some of its wonders and sorrows one can be a poet seeing them and only being a poet you can really feel them.

Some words can cut your throat like a knife and shatter your heart like a hammer. That's why everyone should be careful and think well before speaking.

Little pleasures of life such as mixing oil paints, or mixing with your own hands flour with water and kneading the dough.

Giving people reality checks and mcgyvering out of tight situations, since 1981. wink emoticon

Everyone I ever met

I used to think you were all beautiful. I used to think you were all lovely.
Now I see that it was just like with everything else of which I had a poetic and idealistic view, just for the fact that I was much more innocent, much more naive and indeed a true poet of beauty.

It is a bit sad to realize the naked truth about all people, their selfish and worse side that is much more destructive and intense than the beauty side I once celebrated in poems.

Well, I guess now I can say I finally see you for who you are. And you are merely humans, full of defects and no will to be truly better.

When you're older the heart is no longer a lonely hunter, but a lonely mumbler.

Being alone and isolated is the best way to achieve clarity of thought and freedom of mind. 

There are two kinds of people in the world in terms of vision: the ones who think everything should be "an eye for an eye" and the others who believe that in that way everyone will end up blind.
Also in the first people, there's also the belief that in the land of blind a one eyed man is king, again showing its selfish and greed character.

As crazy as insomnia gets...

If every women's high heels would break at the same time in the whole world would everyone hear a loud noise?

The font

I'll always be bold and strong, and always italic and underlined!

Misencounters

Not very long ago, I ran into a person who I was friends with when I was younger.
When I mentioned I was still fighting rare diseases he said something like: "but, then again, you were always rare". It was already surprising and disturbing to see him after almost a decade, that when he said that sentence I didn't have any instant reaction.

I know I've always been different, though I noticed it more because other people making an issue of it. I could always relate to many people - lately I've been told by an old school colleague that I was a very popular person back then, which it seems to me rather funny when I think of the past circumstances -, but never in full terms, because I only had one or two parts of myself that were in some way close to those people. But I never found someone entirely like me in the most important aspects that form a person's character and personality.

There was always at least one decisive point that didn't stick at all and that made the whole difference.

Getting close is okay at the same, I guess, though it gets a perfidious result: one is so close that we completely fall for each other and later that one aspect, it might take years, but it shows up innevitably to show that no one is really like you in all things that matter and that no one will get you completely for what you are. It's just not possible.

Even so, it's incredible , when one loves you for everything that he knows of you when you try to show him the most of you as possible.

Time does not exist, only egotistical people who have a sucession of happenings.

Some people, by any reasons, end up believing that love is just a trick of the brain and body chemistries to make you continue to procriate and survive as a species.
Some others think that it is everything, the whole reason to be alive for.

I guess, as in everything else, it is you who gives whatever meaning to it, what you focus on, the perception that you're inclined to because of all the circumstances you've been through.

(and then there are the ones who are also poets and love the idea of true and pure love and for that reason they keep the platonic love above everything on this Earth.)

ITP Warrior

Life can suck, big time really, even everyday.  But I'm a sucker for the challenge and being able to rise above it is a huge prize just for the sake of itself in the end. It's all there is: the struggle and the rising above.
Always bringing in mind that the bleeding is not to remember you're dying but instead to remember that you're alive, even if it isn't for nothing at all.

Out of billions of people only few are rare and different, truly standing out, not because they want to be different and forcefully try to, but because they're unique without even trying.
They stand out in having the best set of values, wisdom, intelligent and clarity.

Some of my daily trials of stress...

My daily trials which defy my patience and hype the venomous stress (for a Addison Disease person like me)..:

- rude kids who hit outside on the bedroom wall with footballs;
- noise of construction pneumatic hammer bellow the floor and its vibration hitting my bedroom starting from 8 a.m. and during all day;
- horrid noise of the ringing of unlocking the building's entrance door, each time, for more than a hundred people;
- rude cursing upstairs neighbors who are loud and throw water all down my window just overwatering a damn cactus plant;
- loud neighbors who gather on the building's entrance near our door and windows;
...

And that's just a fraction of my daily ordeals, that may seem made-up jokes, but they're just the raw truth, and all of it while I'm trying to do my work at home of transcriptions.
In time, like being exposed daily to venom I hope I get immune and not lose the war. I truly believe that it is almost making me achieve a status of being as patient as an elephant waiting for a bus. Yes, elephants don't wait for buses, therefor they don't need to be patient; and that's precisely it: I shall no longer be in need of being patient whatsoever. It seems a good plan.

The way believers portray god just proves its inexistence or that he is a sadist, prayer junkie, impotent, liar...

"What is that sound, ringing in my ears, the strangest sound I've heard for years and years?" The neverending sound of madness.

It's like when you're at home and you hear plane flying but its sound never ends, never even fades. Just keeps going and going, on and on.

The World I wished there was

If every person had a heart full of love and joy and tried to achieve the best inner status that they could, everyone would be a lot better and consequently the whole world too.

I wished there was a world without damaging violence towards others and ourselves and where the only weapons were the strenghtful words and wisdom to create and innovate in a sustainable way.

That would be enough as a starting point to develop and progressively generate a whole other level of perfection among societies. Especially when we know that we don't have a better world just because it's filled up with humans who aren't that humane at all. So it's just the simply result of the logic: better humans, better world.

We're living in times where everything gets absorbed by sameness and vulgarity.

Funny how there have always been thousands of attempts at building the perfect society in real life and books and movies, but they all have a bad start right from the basic fact that they make it with humans who, as we all know, are far from perfect, so perfection will always be an impossibility. 

Poem "I am" by John Clare

I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best
-- Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.

I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.

[first heard in "Penny Dreadful" series]

... because we are human

and we feel and we gasp for air

even when we know there's no air

and that our end is coming.

how nice it is to possess nothing but the freedom of truth and the acceptance of reality

Only when you're utmost true to yourself can you be entirely free. The is no other way to it. And then yes, truth sets you free.

Like many people around the world who don't have the basic conditions of living secured, I just wished I had a safe and peaceful place to live, where I could sleep and eat well.
It's exhausting when you don't have the basics in order to survive with the minimum standards for living and plus no bliss at all to make you keep going.
It has been so much time now and it doesn't come to an end. Enduring just for nothing is too damn perverse.

Larger than life

When you're better and larger than life, you don't fit in her and neither does she in you.
You've got people writing poems for you, you've got them composing songs for you, making you their inspiration.
And all that because you've lived lives larger than life.

Lacking bliss and fascination to continue...

The Artist

Silver hair
golden skin
never fat
always thin

Never sold a poem
or a painting,
wouldn't even try it.

Knew hunger and cold
knew pain and gold

Just an artist as told.

I've always taken it pure, the raw deal, I fly solo, no football, no religions, no animals, no rainbows, no discos, no company, no ointments.

Reddish skies and yellow rivers won't take my mind of you. And as soon as it dies it is reborn, always in a perpetual sweet and universal creation.
So be mine, be kind, and don't let the good spirits fly. 

On the Mood

No one really pays much attention to what really causes someone's mood, especially when in the case of being a bad mood. The main thing that matters to people is the current effects on others.

Even if someone asks why we're upset or happy - because they only tend to notice and ask when we're in these opposite and more intense feelings -, trying to know what happened, usually we only point out one reason. But the fact is that our constant mood depends on so many factors, including invisible ones to ourselves, that it's really hard to have any control on how we feel, though no one seems to acknowledge this, probably because it would mean - besides that we can't control it as we thought - that the old saying of "you choose how things affect you and how you deal with them" is not that valid and it's been making you delude yourself.

So our mood and how we are feeling on a day-to-day basis can be affected mainly by factors that are out of our control, though we're the ones feeling it all. From top of my mind I can list factors such as genetics, light/sun exposure, food that changes the chemical hormonal composition (such as chocolate, for example), bad and good past experiences that imprint in our organism memories of feelings that  are instantly replicated when the same or similar experiences are repeated (including traumas, as cerebral/mental triggers of especific moods and feelings).

Again, we are always much more than what we think we are or even of what we are capable of realizing.

We are all Charlie

Evil doers don't need excuses to commit hedious acts, so please STOP BEING AFRAID and justifying their violence by saying things like ‪#‎CharlieHebdo‬ provoked it.
People who are robbed / assaulted, and worse, daily on the streets and everywhere in the world; people who were in the ‪#‎twintowers‬; the kids in Norway; just as today's hostages in the grocery store in Paris; and all the millions who fall to gratuitous terror, they all didn't do anything do deserve any of the violence beset upon them.

Set yourself free, be unafraid, do not subdue yourselves to maniacs for that is the same as allowing them to go through with their evil doing.

ALWAYS STAND UP FOR #PEACE AND #LOVE

This is all human stupidity circle at its best, a big growing snowball of fear, prejudice, hatred and evil. Now all the right-extremist are surfacing taking the oportunity to attack mosques and so. Between the irrationalities of extreme nationalism and of terrorism of religious fanatics I can't tell which one is more idiotic.
If we have developed as supposedly rational beings that are able to analyse and think their actions upfront, we should be more civilized and realize that we're not meant to kill each other but on the contrary, united we could find intelligent ways to achieve solutions for global wellbeing. But unfortunately it seems people's brains and whole knowledge and efforts don't run at the same velocity for everyone and those are the main reasons that, having different visions of the world and consequently goals, makes the world go back and forth in cycles of violence and retrocess since the beginnings.

We're supposed to be better or fighting (with intellectual means - that so many do achieve great solutions and all -, since that's what supposedly distinguishes us in this World) to get better than all this crappy things we do. Just now I saw this cartoon (http://www.theguardian.com/.../joe-sacco-on-satire-a...) and I remembered the saying "An eye for an eye will make the whole world BLIND"; can't people see this and think and yes philosophy to achieve an actual good teory to put in practical ways after, and surpass the fear, panic, and short term preemptive war mind? Yes, it is hard to do so, to stand up in front of the trees in the Amazon facing the deforesters for example, but someone's got to do it, to be corageous (heroes) just like simple cartoonists (who were prized all over the world for decades) who only made some drawings defending freedom and art while denouncing the ridiculous evil crimes all over the world. Otherwise, it's not a world worth living in, where everyone gets to kill everyone just because their not accordingly to their rules. We are thousands of millions and we should not bow to a handful of despots who only see their own bellies.