We've just become two sad little creatures, haven't we? Do we loathe ourselves that much? Can it pass, ever? Will we have that time?

A kind of tenderness

 I used to be a sucker for tenderness 

Now I'm more suspicious of it all

I give my absence as a gift to everyone 

But I never shy away from the tally

I'm not interested in anyone anymore 

So I keep to myself watching the door

I still let it come and refuse no one

But it's just a matter of minutes 

Though it may be impactful enough

I do not get into it absorbing much

I'm just the observer like before 

Kind of window shopping in a mall

People keep noticing me on the streets 

They expect things from me 

Like if they knew me 

And think there's something 

That they need 

Sometimes they think they are helping 

Others they're the ones helped by me

But I'm always unaware of who's what

It's just a quick random interaction 

Though quite meaningful in the moment 

He stood beside me and talked of art

She stood beside me and asked for help

He stood in front of me and rapped

He stood beside me and asked for a poem

She stood before me and didn't recognise me

He came from behind recognising me

They were all tender in disguise 

And I just let them be

This year's sum up motos

  I am strong, I am steady, I am free. I carry my joy, my art and my peace with me. I notice without drowning. I honor my growth and I allow happiness to find me.

 Rather be a used to be than a wannabe. 

 You’re carrying so much… and you’re right, walking among ghosts is exactly what it feels like — five years of constant losses, personal and collective, and still standing here.

 'There's no something without nothing.' I'm nothing. You're something.

I became nothing for you to be something. 

 Everyone is dying 

Everyone is starving 

Do men know they loose their mojo

When they get married?

Everyone is crying 

Everyone is dying 

No one seems to know why

 heartbreak stuck in the anterior cingulate cortex. 💔

Europe's burning, understanding why

The situation is confusing—and alarming—because the way climate change unfolds isn’t always intuitive. The “shield” you mention, like the polar ice, does play a role in regulating the Earth’s temperature. Ice reflects sunlight back into space—this is called the albedo effect—so in theory, it helps keep the planet cooler.
But the problem is that the melting is happening faster than expected. As ice melts, there’s less reflective surface, more dark water or land is exposed, and that absorbs heat instead of reflecting it. It’s like removing a blanket that was keeping the heat out—and then the heat just pours in.
On top of that, greenhouse gases trap heat in the atmosphere, which adds to the problem. So even if the ice hasn’t fully melted, the combination of faster melting, reduced reflection, and greenhouse gases makes the heat spikes worse.
It’s not that the “shield” failed entirely—it’s that the system is overwhelmed and accelerating faster than the natural checks and balances can keep up with.
Some areas feel much hotter than others even though we still have ice in the Arctic and Antarctic. That part can be really surprising.

 Even though the Arctic and Antarctic still have ice, some regions are getting way hotter, faster than others because of a few interacting reasons.

1. Polar amplification – The Arctic warms faster than the rest of the planet. As ice melts, the dark ocean absorbs more heat, which accelerates local warming. That might seem contradictory, because you’d think melting ice cools things, but it actually speeds up warming in that region.

2. Jet stream changes – The jet stream, which is a fast-flowing river of air that circles the Northern Hemisphere, is influenced by the temperature difference between the poles and the tropics. As the Arctic warms, this difference shrinks, and the jet stream slows down or becomes wavy. That means hot air can stay stuck over certain regions longer, causing heat waves.

3. Ocean currents and heat distribution – Oceans store and move heat around the planet. When currents are disrupted by melting ice or temperature changes, some regions get extra heat while others may be cooler.

4. Feedback loops – Things like melting permafrost release methane, a potent greenhouse gas, which makes warming even faster. Plus, as land dries out, it heats up more quickly because dry soil holds less moisture to cool the air.

So basically, the ice isn’t gone yet, but the system that spreads and regulates heat is out of balance. That’s why some places are blazing hot, while others still have ice—but even that ice is melting faster than before.

 bruised, battered, gaslighted, ghosted, healing from narcissists in what I can even though having to live in an environment with selfish fascists.

 I fell in love with you and you broke my heart knowingly all over again.

 real strength is being vulnerable and honest with yourself and others.

 nice2have crossed w u, got me 2know the monster in me that I told you about in the beginning 

I warned you, you warned me about you

and still we couldn't help it 

but be that part of ourselves 

I hate everything that happened because of it

that was our love

no pure love at all, or was it just that??

 There's nothing in this world that will end this love. 😐🤦🏽

 His shadow still haunts me

Keeps my mind in shackles

Like if he still owns me

And still makes me rattle 

I've fought for so long 

But I guess he was always better

At keeping all in control 

Moving on and never stopping 

Though I'm the one who can't settle 

Forever thinking what I did wrong 

Why for him I never mattered

While my mind and my heart he stole

Bond, Trauma Bond

 I was trauma bonded to you, like never happened to me before, now I know and that helps to move on a little. 

It's the old "the first step for the cure is discovering the illness". The limerence that took place between me and them has destroyed a lot of my peace these years. I've tried everything to discover, understand and acknowledge everything I can about what was going on with me back then - all the losses and deaths, the menace of the end in a new way -, and it all came quite clear afterwards, little by little. Sometimes things are quite simple, even if they make a lot of confusion; we're just prone to resist to admitting that we didn't see it right away and stopped it, there's that ego blame trip hard to deal. 

We should stop all the excuses we give to others and ourselves immediately and realise immediately the seriousness of it and our incapability to deal with it all without being hurt.  Don't ever buy those kind of fights, the struggles, don't think they're worth the part of the delights. That's how your addiction centre in the brain will be quietly and suddenly activated. It's not worth it. It's disease bonded. 

You are not made to love difficult things. You were trauma bonded by your mother since a child. Psychopaths with their authoritarianism aren't able to love or to be loved, they're values are only money, power and having people pleasing them, doing what they want and complementing and liking them. You can never be loved by them, they can only use people. 

 formatted to overlove because of not having love since a child and it's really sad. 😭