Bond, Trauma Bond

 I was trauma bonded to you, like never happened to me before, now I know and that helps to move on a little. 

It's the old "the first step for the cure is discovering the illness". The limerence that took place between me and them has destroyed a lot of my peace these years. I've tried everything to discover, understand and acknowledge everything I can about what was going on with me back then - all the losses and deaths, the menace of the end in a new way -, and it all came quite clear afterwards, little by little. Sometimes things are quite simple, even if they make a lot of confusion; we're just prone to resist to admitting that we didn't see it right away and stopped it, there's that ego blame trip hard to deal. 

We should stop all the excuses we give to others and ourselves immediately and realise immediately the seriousness of it and our incapability to deal with it all without being hurt.  Don't ever buy those kind of fights, the struggles, don't think they're worth the part of the delights. That's how your addiction centre in the brain will be quietly and suddenly activated. It's not worth it. It's disease bonded. 

You are not made to love difficult things. You were trauma bonded by your mother since a child. Psychopaths with their authoritarianism aren't able to love or to be loved, they're values are only money, power and having people pleasing them, doing what they want and complementing and liking them. You can never be loved by them, they can only use people.