Trapdoor in the sun

When we met each other

I believed you were different

I thought you were like a dream

but things are never what they seem.

We exchanged forever love promises

and I now realize that was a big mistake

because it keeps me linked to you somehow

just to know, under sun and stars, we did vow.

On a bed we made and didn't sleep in

we hold on to a sunshine that's long gone

and we hope that everything turns out fine

after all, longing to be yours and you mine.

But everyday, fatally, the sun does set

and every night I feel the blues take in

for there was a trapdoor in that sun

where promises of forever love just burn.

Missing...

Past memories are like spies
that come to compare themselves
with the present.
You are always on my mind.
My sister, my friend, my everlasting mother.
I cannot hide who I am.
My thoughts are surrounded
by razors
that cut deep into the dark area,
hidden by fear.
I miss you, but can I still trust you?
There's a turmoil, now and then,
Stormy weather rises, sometimes.
Can I always count
with you for protection?
Somebody told me
you aren't there anymore,
where I thought you'd always be.
I hope I didn't push you too hard.
I hope you'll find your way back home.
When it reaches me,
I'll be asleep.
Frozen, in my bed, waiting.

Earth, home of the humans

Have you ever wondered why our planet is called Earth, especially when its constituency is of 70% of water and it is frequently referred to as the blue planet?

Because we are the ones inhabiting the portions of earth on this globe?

I guess it's all an attempt of turning humans into the center of the universe, as always, we tell ourselves that we're the most important thing, the only thing, capable of thought and intelligence, the only thing worth saving in this planet.

All, to tell ourselves that we're not alone, convince ourselves, even when your whole family just died, there's someone who comes and tells you that "you are not left alone", because, supposedly, that someone, a fucking stranger, can relate to you in that moment of total loss, just because he is another freaking human inhabiting the same portion of land in this planet called Earth.

And, yet, we take it for granted. We destroy it. We're like a tourist that abuses and spoils everything, when on holidays, on a foreign country. We don't respect it, we don't relate to it at all, we despise it and its needs.

We're just children of destruction and damnation. And Earth is our playground.

Dissident

I'm gonna buy a home and burn it down
I'm gonna get me a pet and leave him out

I'm gonna make a family and scream and shout
I'm gonna have a child and let him bloat

Escape is always the safest path
For a dissident who's got no keg
To hide away in
When all abandon him

No religion, or country can define me
I'm the lover of nihilism
The true liver of unexpectedness
And there's no cure for me

It's all your fault

I blame you for the moonless sky

That doesn't make my soul shine

Now that there are only memories

They're few and damned.

I blame you for the raging sea

That washed away my joy

Now that the leaves only fall

Dead, taken by sorrow.

I blame you for the sunless days,

That no longer heat my afternoons,

Now that the cold gets in deep

In the most intimate of our moons.

I blame you for the vain whispers

That the wolf shouted without meaning

Now that there's only screaming

When here inside it's like twisters.

Distorted I

I will always be fond of blue light.

What shall I do now, that birds aren’t flying anymore? Wasted too much time, and yet there was no time to be wasted somehow. I have no fucking face. Look so thin, skinny. Hate it, myself.

My face is converging to the floor. Big shit. Look like shit. My body is weak and my body is sick. Don’t want to get out, don’t want to stay at home.

 All an illusion of being real.

Nothing Woman

Take away the dreams
relentless and in spiral
decaying
that once could feed someone

Now remaining fears
stumbling
Once I could find myself
hear the sound of my tears
and know the taste of my dreams
that once could feed someone

Some things can't be undone
and when they're too many
it's a sign that it's too late

Nothing Woman. Wasn't she something?

Colors of the rainbow in each memory
and still the emptiness of black & white pictures

Wasn't she something? Nothing Woman

I slept with the enemy and didn’t survive.

It was a Spring morning and the sun was shining shy up in the sky.

I held his face between my hands and it fell warm and magnetic. Such magnetism makes you get lost in the most damned fantasies and dreams.

We were in deep darkness and I couldn’t see his face that well, but I knew who he was. I’ve had already known for a long time and still it made no difference at all.

Later in time I met his child and he kept entering my dreams in the night, now his child was there too. He was my antichrist, my antistar, my eternal darkness and his child was a lost bliss for me.

He came to me one day apologizing, offering help, but he’s request for forgiveness was far from the real redemption. He had a chance, unlike before, to achieve real redemption but he didn’t know how to accept it, he couldn’t possibly be that light in his spirit or in his soul or even in his mind. He never knew what to do with himself. I was just part of what he never knew about himself. Just a way of running from the other memories he made for himself. I don’t know if he will ever surpass this condition of ignorance about himself, and even if he does, I don’t know if he will know how to live with his true self.

I wish he could be that strong and brave for once, I wish he really wanted to be happy as he could be.
One day maybe the sky will stop showing so much pain and we’ll stop hurting with all this happenings that belong in the past. Maybe that day we’ll start being faithful to our promises and never give up on one another. I don’t know if it is possible, due to our human nature, to settle with what is given to us, I wish it would be, because I think things would be much more simple and therefore cause less pain. Maybe one day we’ll reach the real knowledge of accepting things how they are when they can’t be changed, change the things that need to be changed and above all, know how to distinguish them.

Meanwhile, I hope he feels inside the love that I felt for him all my life.

Pearl Jam - IMMORTALITY

Vacate is the word...vengeance has no place so near to her
Cannot find the comfort in this world
Artificial tear...vessel stabbed...next up, volunteers
Vulnerable, wisdom can't adhere...

A truant finds home...and I wish to hold on...
But there's a trapdoor in the sun...immortality...

As privileged as a whore...victims in demand for public show
Swept out through the cracks beneath the door
Holier than thou, how?
Surrendered...executed anyhow
Scrawl dissolved, cigar box on the floor...

A truant finds home...and I wish to hold on, too...
But saw the trapdoor in the sun...

Immortality...
I cannot stop the thought...I'm running in the dark...
Coming up a which way sign...all good truants must decide...
Oh, stripped and sold, mom...auctioned forearm...
And whiskers in the sink...
Truants move on...cannot stay long
Some die just to live...
Ohh...

(song said to be written inspired on Kurt Cobain, after his suicide)

I'M MISSING THE STILLNESS OF YOUR EYES
THAT WHISPERED TO ME: “EVERYTHING’S OK.”
ANYWAY, WHEREVER YOU ARE NOW
WHEREVER YOU WILL GO, I ‘LL CRY ALWAYS
‘CAUSE I KNOW DEEP INSIDE IT'S EMPTY
AND THAT LIFE WAS ALWAYS SO MUCH EASIER
WHEN YOU WERE IN ME, JUST BEING BY MY SIDE.

APART, WE HAVE BEEN HAVING DARKNESS,
WE’RE ALWAYS BEING NOTHING BUT STONES,
HOWEVER, ONCE TOGETHER WE HAD LIGHT
AND WE WERE BEING NOTHING BUT STARS.
MY RAINY DAYS JUST KEEP COMING ABOVE ME
AND MY SOUL REMAINS IN PURE GRIEF
WHEN I SMILE DESPERATELY AMONG PEOPLE.

IT ISN’T FAIR TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE BREATHING,
THAT YOU’RE UNDER THE SAME SCARLET SKY,
ALL THAT WHENEVER YOU’RE NOT MINE
AND MY SPIRIT MOVES YOUR SOUL DRAGGING IT
‘CAUSE I'M TRYING TO FIND AN ANSWER
TO WHAT REMAINED FLOATING IN THE THIN AIR
IT’S NOTHING BUT WHAT THERE’S NOW BETWEEN US.