Dead

Crushed, zombified, ripped out,
my body and my mind numb,
my limbs and back can't fight gravity no more.

Empty inside, my heart inexisting
my soul never tried

I do not know why I still breath
shallowly but enough to keep a pulse
But its beating doesn't mean I'm alive

Tired and destroyed all over again
and again and again
countless times since coming to life
dying slowly, sometimes violently
sometimes indifferently.

Love is a losing game by Amy Winehouse

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game
Why do I wish I never played
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed, profound
Till the chips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I’m rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned
Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Somebody who loves and cares

I miss being held by the long arms of the green grass.
I miss being kissed by the warm sun.
Most of all I miss...

Nobody Knows

We see what we want to see and feel what other people want us to feel.
And yet knowing this doesn't make us care any less.
Sometimes I wonder: do you ever think of me?
Do you see me? Do you see me as I am?
It doesn't matter in the end.
Nothing does.
But before the end there's a lot going on, sometimes too much.
I wonder if you know. I wonder if anyone does?

Love and 3 types of men

I reckon there are three characteristic types of men:

1 - The ones you love
2 - The ones who love you
3 - The ones you love and who love you back


The ones you love

These men are always emotionally unavailable.
It's like every other occasion when you dedicate a lot of your time doing something in order to reach a goal and you always turn out frustrated.


The ones who love you

These men are the ones who go the extra mile for you. Even if you're just having a tantrum, they'll put up with anything just to satisfy you, and at least make you laugh.


The ones you love and who love you back

These men are brave but still, deep inside, afraid; however they will never show it.

Leadership

“The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.”
— Jim Rohn

I'd rather be unknown than being a famous assh*le!

I've got more questions than Google could ever answer me.

Unplaced

I can't go back no more
my mind or soul don't fit the door
and the key to the lock is lost
all around I see just moss

The mellow days are over
as there is no more horizon
or sun or waves in the sky

Oh my, oh my,
what has happened to the mizen?
we're not sailing moreover
just going adrift in the seas of thought

A forsaken existence in no altar
since I was born into this world
I've always  felt unplaced and whirled
though my courage didn't falter

There's no place for someone like me
utterly dead and infused with adrenaline
there's no place for so much contradiction
there's no posture or position.

I've always felt the darkness

Most of the days I feel like dying. It has been like this since I was very young still at elementary school and she used to hit me for no reason, calling me names, saying what seemed to me the most awful and uncompreensible things.

How can someone put us in this world and treat us so badly? Deprive me from my happiness, my peace, my nourishment, my whole health and then act for my brothers and father as she was the victim and I a bad person and a bad daughter. When I was little I could only think of what could I possible have done to deserve this.

Many times, killing myself seemed the only way to put an end to so much pain and make everyone else happier. I know what a cliché this all is, but that fact doesn't make it less serious and problematic. I could never find a way to get out and get rid of all this. Adding the physical health problems and consequential financial problem I've still, in these three decades, haven't been able to free myself either way.

And I feel pity for what my situation became and ashamed for it all. And I still want an escape, though I never took the easiest escapes that crossed my path.