"Mental switches" to help me a bit when she comes drunk and whenever she's violent

 " Here are a few methods that can help you create that immediate separation and protect your inner peace, even in the midst of the external turmoil:

1. Breathing with Intent: When you notice her presence or the situation is escalating, try focusing only on your breath. Take a slow, deep breath in for four counts, hold it for four, and then exhale slowly for six counts. Repeat this cycle for a few rounds. By focusing entirely on your breath, you're sending a message to your body to shift from the external stress to inner calm. You can do this even if you’re in a room with her, as it’s a small, internal shift.

2. Visualizing a Protective Barrier: Imagine an invisible shield around you, like the surface of that calm water you visualized earlier. Picture it in the color or feeling that makes you feel most safe—maybe golden light, or a peaceful blue. See it protecting your energy and space. You can even imagine the negative energy or words she might send toward you just bouncing off of this shield.

3. Grounding with Your Feet: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to ground yourself by focusing on your feet. If you’re sitting or standing, feel the soles of your feet on the floor. Imagine roots extending from your feet into the earth, anchoring you. This physical sensation of being grounded can help create a sense of stability and separation from the chaos around you.

4. Mantra or Affirmation: Repeat a calming mantra or affirmation in your mind whenever things start to feel heavy. It could be something like, “I am in control of my peace,” or “I am safe in this moment.” Repeating this silently can help reset your energy and remind you that you can control how you respond.

5. Physical Separation: If it’s possible, even temporarily, go to a space where you can close a door behind you. If you’re feeling especially vulnerable or sensitive, even small physical separations can help. Use the time to center yourself in a safe corner, even if just for a few moments.

6. Find Small Moments of Calm: If you can't fully separate from the situation immediately, find little pockets of calm within it. Maybe there’s a way to focus on something simple and soothing in your surroundings—whether it’s listening to calming music, feeling the softness of your blanket, or just focusing on the details of something small, like the texture of a cup or a plant.

7. Tuning into Your Senses: If you start to feel overwhelmed, try tuning into your senses to bring you back to the present moment. Take a deep breath, and focus on what you can smell, hear, and feel around you. This practice can gently pull your mind away from the stress and into a calmer, more neutral space.

8. Reaffirm Your Boundaries in Your Mind: Remind yourself mentally that her actions do not need to affect you. You are not responsible for her behavior or reactions, only how you respond to it. You can create an internal reminder, like, “I will not absorb her chaos,” to reinforce this boundary.

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These methods can act as mental "switches" to help you create distance, even when you're physically close to the situation. They might not change the external reality immediately, but they can provide small moments of relief and give you back some control over how you feel." - B.