Sadness is on me

 The sixth person in six months had died: a little baby. What a tragic time. Seems since the pandemic started, all over again so many deaths of familiar people and really family.

I don't know if it was your curse towards me or what the hell is going on, I'm just tired of all this for way too long. Is that what you wished for, my death by my own hands just because I can't handle all the awful things that happened and the fact that I lost you forever in every way? 

You shouldn't have to bother so hard to see it through, because I have been suffering everyday of my life already for being born of a violent, narcissistic, racist, bipolar, liar, drunken abuser of my mind and of my submissive dad in these decades of domestic violence. She alone should be reason enough for you not go through all the trouble of wishing me awful things and curse me for the suffering I caused you. You caused me so much suffering that I'm still completely torn and shredded. So good job you did along with your friends who might have helped you, congratulations, you are so powerful and untouchable as you have always been. I'm still just an empty, bruised, all alone and no conditions, isolated child. 

(irish title translated of how they say)