does it comfort you to know we burn together?

The shadow-love

I will not see you
and you will never see me again;
we're just shadows
of who we used to be to each other.

Why do we keep coming back for more?
Because we're part of the same life
since a long time ago?
Does anyone return, or is it just you and I?

I thought, someone who caused so much hurt
couldn't carry on being happy at a person's expense.
But then again so many people do so much harm
and still carry their lives on and well.

I don't know.
After you killed us, I didn't know
how could we ever surpass it.

The feeling of life and ourselves being useless,
how can we surpass it, after all we knew?

One day we'll no longer remember the pain,
One day, we'll forget everything we've done,
One day this shadow-love will be drawn,
One day, our lives will no longer be torn.

Lover lover lover, by L. Cohen

I asked my father,
I said, "Father change my name."
The one I'm using now it's covered up
with fear and filth and cowardice and shame.

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

He said, "I locked you in this body,
I meant it as a kind of trial.
You can use it for a weapon,
or to make some woman smile."

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

"Then let me start again," I cried,
"please let me start again,
I want a face that's fair this time,
I want a spirit that is calm."

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

"I never never turned aside," he said,
"I never walked away.
It was you who built the temple,
it was you who covered up my face."

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

And may the spirit of this song,
may it rise up pure and free.
May it be a shield for you,
a shield against the enemy.

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

Yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me,
yes and lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover, lover come back to me.

“I always said I’d be happier alone. I’d have my work, my friends; but someone in your life all the time? More trouble than it’s worth. Apparently, I got over it.

“There’s a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn’t 'cause I thought I’d be happy alone, it was because I thought that if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn you need love, and then you don’t’ have it?  What if you like it, and lean on it?  What if you shape your life around it, and then it falls apart?  Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage.  It’s like dying.  The only difference is, death ends.  This; it could go on forever.”


From season 7 episode 22, Grey's Anatomy.

If you had an intense Past, just take a long break from it.

What does it take to make you feel alive?

You always have the feeling that something's missing,
that you want more than you've got
and yet you might have it all,
all you need to feel alive.

It's just your stupid humanity doing the talking.

And in the end that's why you've got loans and mortgages
and insurances and gadgets and all kind of stuff
that you can't take to the grave or ful/fill yourself with them.

Dissatisfaction. Frustration. You've just sold your soul as non-refundable.

Yes, there are those who need to build a home and a family
and surround themselves with people and sun and animals
to feel alive.
Probably, you'll find the same amount of dissatisfaction and frustration in them,
however, I'm tending to believe there will be a less amount of emptiness.

I, myself, will not list here what makes me feel alive
but I can tell you it doesn't take much,
just some elementary pleasures;
because I chose and learned.

Time and alcohol have one thing in common: further on, both make people seem nicer than what they really are. 

Just put yourself into this recipe

Dying slowly is the worst thing that can happen to you.
Here are some examples:
-having a long term illness
-having to work till the last day of a job from which you've already been fired
-loving someone that you cannot see and hold whenever you like
-having to live with someone you can't bear

All these «having to» have made me realize that there was never an option for everyone who is dying slowly.
There is no thing such as «living fast and dying slowly», so I'm guessing people who are dying slowly aren't living at all.

This is where I think one should not let the ember turn into ash and try to find a way to change the, what seems, fatality of the process.

Treat each symptom as it appears and make sure not to despair, for panic is the worst enemy because it makes your mind, which controls everything, go crazy.
-Try to distract yourself, diverting from the problem, not postponing it but just trying to make it in a way that it doesn't became an obstacle to what you must do and overcome at each moment.
-Why not having hope, without being completely delusional, and be proud of the beauty of the feeling that you have on its own.
-Find a way to forgive others inside of you, by doing or holding on to something that makes you think you're better off without grudges and that it is worth to feel better and surpass the harmfulness that it has caused you so far.

It's not «Lilac Wine» but will surely do you better than that. I hope so.