I miss you, F.

 I wish I knew how to feel the pure ecstatic joy of a child, but when I was one I was always suffocated and had to be mild. That's the big difference between me and them: they're happy and I'm depressed. They have fun with friends and family, whereas I am always alone and though people are always drawn to me I never get to have real fun. Well, I did laugh a lot because of you, F., and that's one of the things I miss most now. You were kind of a brute and immature, but I really couldn't be very far from you. I guess I did like you more than I thought. You asked me if you had marked me. Yes, F., you certainly did and I should've told you I would be okay with what you were saying, but I probably wouldn't really, as I can't be with someone knowing that they had someone to begin with. Because I've always tried to keep my principles even though it has costed me everything in my life and I don't have anything good or whatsoever in this life of mine.