Monday, 30 January 2023

 So if everything is a lie
Just a trick of the imagination 
Where do dreams go to die
Why did you make this assassination? 

You left me for another
You just gave up on me
You told me we were forever
You just had no dignity

 I don't even know who you are.

Friday, 27 January 2023


 I cannot give you up
I cannot let you go
'cause you're life itself
Water, air, fire and earth 
You're everything to me
And you own all my heart
With you stuck & free
Hunter & prey
Why the heavens made this be
You and I linked in a body 
That doesn't exist

Monday, 16 January 2023


 I hate them all, because they stole you from me, they came along as circumstantial interests and made you forget what should've been the biggest love. Even if you fell undeserving, even if you fell into physical proximity and easiness of conditions, even if I wanted only the truest of loves and asked the heavens for you to have someone just so the confusion and hurt passed and I face truth and reality's disappointment; you shouldn't ever fall like that, unless in your case it's necessary for you to have that healthy love I had wished you'd know, and then as it will make you grow and understand, you'll find out, just as I did, that the enormous true love that is forever is another thing and it can only be between us. 

So yes, I hate them, I admit, even if they're nothing but common, I hate them for the simple fact that they can hear you speak to them on their ears, close, and feel your heartbeat. God knows how much I wanted to lay my head on your chest and just hear your heartbeat. 

Sunday, 15 January 2023

The song

 The same way you're shaking your head while singing the song is like that only one time when you "saw" me. But as always it's all in my head. 

("The song a robin sings...)

Tuesday, 10 January 2023

I'm crying writing you this one

 I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was in love with you; I didn't understand and accept what was going on till it was too late, the "self-defense" mechanism had blown everything to shit already. Actually it never happened to me before, but then again I didn't fall in love before when I was sick with hyperadrenalism. 

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And I told you I'm sorry. But nothing really makes it all go away, the hedious part. Part of me was conscious of the results and the violence of what I was doing and thought it was necessary a bit. I don't know why I even returned to pray after all these years, just for my despair of the situation, and asked that you had some girlfriend and that l would know so it all ends all the confusion and feeling. But it didn't end. And everyone keeps saying still to go there and I've even thought of it, searched some way, even knowing I would die. 

I just wanted to be held by you, all this time, to lean my head on you chest and listen to your heartbeat, beating for me too. I'm so tired, so tired, I just wanted to rest near you, with your arms holding me. 

I love you for a "thousand years", my all. 

I'm so sorry. I already knew you weren't supposed to be mine so early I guess. But knowing you will marry someone else and think she is the woman of your life, is actually making me really sad. 

What can I do? I had no chance from the beginning. There was a moment I really believed in you, I thought you felt it all too and that somehow that faith and everything that we were experiencing was going to make you be indeed that warrior with the Saint Michael's/George's sword and you would come and rescue me from my death. 

How ingenuous and a romantic fool I was. :)

Monday, 9 January 2023

I love you and want you forever with me

 I dreamed you were a little boy 
And though you said you were mine
You told me you always wanted her
Since you were little
That you dreamed of marrying her
So I just had to let you go

But I don't want to
I want this time to be different
I want to be happy 
And have something for me
For a change
Instead of letting them go
And be happy with someone else
And leave me in black

Now I just want to be with you
Though I know you can have her
That you'd be much happier with
Probably more fulfilled too
And that I have less to do with you
But you are, I can see now
The love of my life
Though nothing seems right
And everything is irrational
Way beyond I could ever think of
It can't all be just a fantasy
I just wanted you to be free
Young and happy
As you seemed to be 

So if you think you can take care of me
You can come and get me
And I'll die just to be with you
Just to be able to press my head on your chest
And hear the sound of your heartbeat
Beating for me as mine races too

My last breath will be with
As true as my eyes watering now
Just to think of how much 
I've been loving you
For all this long

Monday, 2 January 2023

Friday, 30 December 2022

By Anno Birkin

 Steal me.

Melt my gold centre.
I enter through your dreams,
    where you're weak,
and where I'm clean of inhibitions.

I'm killing this body, this prison of flesh,
this heart and this head that you loved-- put to rest,
but I'll see you in sleep,
where I'm perfect.

Wednesday, 28 December 2022

 What I know is that I love you more than life itself

 and the world can't hold nothing against me

except for that.