I'm freeeee

Free fallinggg 

(the first could be Dobby from HP and the second Morty from King Julian)

🤦🏽

Please. Thanks.

 🙏🏽 no more limerence or trauma bronds. 🙌🏽

Without you three

 Why is it so painful to live without them? Probably also because my life is an living hell everyday, though I am much better at concentrating only in myself and caring for my body and mind, limiting more all access to myself of damaging people. But the blunt undeniable truth, lurching aching in my heart is that even when I am in my utmost possible state of peace or bliss, they always come to my mind. Sometimes in the form of a bit of lament for not having them witnessing some nice thing with me sharing that peace/bliss, or sometimes just thinking they would actually like to see that same thing, or I just end up thinking they're happy as well doing something they like and having a joyful moment. I know they have much more joyful moments than me, so in that matter I'm more at peace and don't have to worry about them as much anymore. 

My life without them has (got not much solace or joy or stable harmony) .. GOD, WHO AM I KIDDING?? I WORRY ABOUT THEM, OF COURSE, AND SOMETIMES - THOUGH MORE RARE LATELY - I DO FEEL SOMETHING ISN'T REALLY WELL IN THEIR FEELINGS. "But it's not mine to carry", can't do anything anymore, more than what I do, which is wishing always that it gets better soon, whatever it is, that they will be okay. 

It's not limerence anymore. Can't be, even, technically. It's just that thing that is said already: the grief of so much love and all the once thought future forsaken.

All as it is. All as it's possible to be, anyway. I miss you, though, guys, I hope you never doubt the love I've been feeling all these years for you, even when you did say it wasn't really love but a kind of emotional dependency. You see, I realised I did need the three men I loved the most in my life and I did adore many of their traits and who they were in essence, but with you three - one being also one those three men I loved the most -, I never needed anything from you but wanted to be with you, near you, because I loved you, yourselves, just as you presented yourselves or just as you simply existed, no reasons really to say in concrete. You were the ones I loved and cared for, especially during that crazy time. I hope, as always, that you continue well and incredible as you always have been. And even when you are feeling downtrodden and more incapable, may you know that that's not what you are, but instead you are a complete bundle of incredible things in the absolute form of strength and worldly determination. You are the bomb. (And she's a bombshell too😄)

 held on tight to the rope, wanted it to snap. it's over now.

 Everyone ruined every time I tried to be happy, they just destroyed my chances of having a life with them and then came apologising when there was no more hypothesis for anything. Congratulations 👏🏽👏🏽👌🏽

 I've always believed in accountability and being responsible for one's actions. So I really struggle everyday in this world where there is no accountability or conscience enough for all prevarication and horrendous crimes people commit. 

 I've never tried to be anything. I just was 

The Wound

 I'll never heal from it

Even if I surpassed it

In terms of feelings 

And the attachment 

I can't erase completely 

This anger it arouses 

For them destroying 

My whole life since

They've abandoned me 

And betrayed me

And left me behind 

To die

It just kept bleeding 

On and off

Every time it reopened 

Everything it damaged

I was never strong 

Because of you

And nothing got me through 

I was used and exploited 

Discarded and disregarded 

Cut wide open 

With the wound re-stabbed

Just to be a slave of everyone 

My whole life 

A love that's the root

 What is a love that cannot be

And has no measure at all

That makes everyone see

But doesn't know it did fall? 

In a passion so mighty deep

In a craziness that loops

You cannot stop and sleep 

Because it's got aggressive roots

True Love Will Find You In The End

 Some people really got a hold on me back in some times. And I used to feel I had a bond with them, like they were part of me in such a way that it felt unbreakable. 

Nowadays it's all gone distant and cold. No more blood, tears, or heart of gold. 

"True love will find you in the end", but you'll run away again. Because it's not love. Never was from them, anyway, just plain old lust for a temporary time. 

It's been 12 years since I stopped believing and realised how it all functioned, also in its mechanics of chemicals. For the chemicals between lie in some bed...

But never again have I faulted my own conclusion. Though I found again love in a much more cosmic vague way, just an unclosed, immaterial, kind of feeling: a love bigger than love itself, or just commonly known as my limerence cases of D.G.P. It's a kind of motherly undying love but with blazing strength of a sun.