never a more status quo than this

 everyone who was supposed to protect me abandoned me at an early age and so on, each time ppl leave it reopens the wound. I used to be funny and witty because of trauma and hurt, surviving mechanism. since I loved everyone in the pandemic and was told I was an awful person and got my heart stumped on by one of them, then ppl started abandoning me too, I was completely erased in the joy I had. then the deaths came along, after all the therapeutic processes that were so devastating too. now, having nothing but awful conditions, I just returned to that feeling of waiting to die too, because I don't have any hope for anything anymore of joy. the blues have always been strong and deep in my all. 

 I don't know you, I never knew who you've been. I only know what you did to me. All the awful things that made me do and be who I've been. 

 Can't you see I always loved you and wanted you to love me back? Deep inside it's just as simple as that.

Black holes inhabit black holes

And universes are just grains 

So what the hell are we doing?

We could've been so much better

 Thinking of how much I’m like a tree and am too savage and too full of imperfections for this age of AI and plastics and synthetic chocolate and gymn addicts and false appearances and genome edition and billionaires who keep everyone happy-enslaved and distracted by overconsumption and violence and greed and football and creeds, just like all dictators with their playbook did.

Feeding billionaires instead of everyone who needs and should have dignified human conditions to live as it is their basic right.

This neverending circle of unconsciousness and irrationality of a species that brags of being the greatest because it can’t look itself on the mirror and admit the horrors they’ve contributed to.

No one takes the good and proven examples of betterment for everything. We’re so messed up.

(txt I've put on trees video with leaves shaking in the wind, with the song Le voyage de Penélope by Air)

The missing circle

 You were so beautiful to me, can't you see? You are so incredibly beautiful, my everlasting love, the love of my life,. His soft skin, alabaster white, with his unruly hairs all over the place. His eyes and his lips so beautiful pink. You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? 

I miss you, your chant, your hands gestures and your eyes always so expressive. God, I miss your loving arms, your sweet tenderness and the way you strut or rock your body to the swinging groove. Man, I miss your nose, the tip of it, so fluffy cutie as I told you once. God, I miss you so much, all of you, your entire touch. God how miss your love. God, oh my God, how you were everything to me! 

Flowers bleed

 Flowers bleed

but not sap or perfume 

but their own true colour 

I met a smiley painter 

that was crying inside

in such an invisible way

and such a mute sound

that I couldn't possibly say

I held her instead

I defended her

Protected her as I could 

I rose my sword a bit

against the cunning 

and masterful bullies 

of hers

but they all made her

smile

while she was sad inside

Her paintings moved me

Always surrounded by poetry

And an unspoken melancholy  

There was a path of stone 

That she was threading slowly 

Just to see her smile again 

But each time with more light 

On her face and her heart 

Gross species

 I'm part of this grossest species on Earth that kills and maimes its own and other species, while claiming to be the most intelligent and conscious species. 🤦🏽🤬

Dear Y., I won't write you anymore here, just this once, no biggie

 I am sorry Y., I really can't forget him still, though I tried, but it's neverending, it always felt like that. Haven't seen his Cheshire cat grin, maybe with the years passing it will cease, who knows, I don't know if he will be able to maintain that child in him forever, the same who frowned and collapsed into an honest cry, or a sudden freight or awe, his astonished light blinded startled eyes, but I've noticed the way he sometimes looks down for a moment like remembering some woe, some deep hurt unspoken, some sweet memory lost. God, how I love him like that! Every detail, but this is another that is more, that moves me so. And makes me miss him more. The only one who existed. 

Porcelain - Moby

 In my dreams I'm dying all the time

As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to lie

So this is goodbye

This is goodbye

Tell the truth you never wanted me

Tell me

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time

As I wake I'm going out of my mind

Going out of my mind