Now that I have been more sick it has become harder not to call you. I don't know if the other day was a fluke or just another thing meant for me to face stuff and take other kind of decisions or just another chance like telling me that the time has come. I wish that I can really rest when I am dead, because it's going to be awful if it turns out the suffering continues and I'm aware of it all as always. Crap, I hated almost every second of this shit.

Things to say to myself at this moment

 I do not need to solve the world tonight.

I do not need to correct every lie.

I do not need to win any argument.

My peace is more valuable than being right.

Silence can be strength.

Calm is power.

My nervous system deserves protection.

I am allowed to disengage.

Other people’s dysfunction is not my responsibility.

I can observe without absorbing. 

My health comes first. Always.

Anger is a signal, not a command.

I choose softness over reactivity.

I am healing. Healing people protect their energy.

I don’t have to say the clever comeback.

I don’t have to prove I see the injustice. I already know I do.

The ghosts of the past are not in control anymore.

I survived undermining. I survived depression. I am still here.

My worth does not shrink because someone minimized me.

My body is trying to help me, not punish me.

 In these last years, given everything, I have become much more "eat the rich", "put all fascists, pedophiles, billionaires, homophobes, racists, dictators, psychopaths, red-pills, in an island and sink it", kind of person. 

 I lacked the ambition of being a person. 

I wish I had been a bird. Either way.

 I'm no longer funny; real & honest, so facing all as it is. (truth be said life has nothing to be funny about)

Lightning in a jar

 Our love was like a fulgurite

It started with thalis almight

Of a written verse prompting 

In a chat while the music

Played united us all

But we were both in our world 

Pretending there was no one else

Remember that?

We never made our song

We only made our poem

In silence

 I made love in silence 

Writing down everything 

What I could and couldn't 

As it came pouring out 

No gimmicks no sound 

No concern to what's around

Just explosions on paper 

When all my life I faulted 

To what I really wanted 

But couldn't make it

So in silence I evolved inside

In a temple that was only mine 

What I need

 What I need for my life is calm, secure, consistent love. Someone who makes me feel safe and never nervous, anxious, insure of anything at all. 

I wished there was a person like that for me, someone who is present and absolutely into us for good. 

Wishing for miracles 😅

 I'm freeeee

Free fallinggg 

(the first could be Dobby from HP and the second Morty from King Julian)

🤦🏽

Please. Thanks.

 🙏🏽 no more limerence or trauma bronds. 🙌🏽