Friday, 29 April 2022

 I wanna know who you are

Live inside your mind Know exactly what you disguise I wanna know who you are Sleep inside your dreams Cuddle bending knees Stay in silence hearing the breeze I wanna know who you are When you are courageous and brave I wanna know who you saved Hug till the time is far

 Until we meet again

I'm gonna watch the moon and the stars for us Savour the burst of blueberries And never let my lips rust Cause I don't care if he marries Doesn't matter, I trust One day we'll be our turn I'll try to not totally burn

 I guess that the fact that I'm dying gave me the only freedom I didn't really signed for.

Tuesday, 26 April 2022

 If you only knew how lucky you are, if you felt it, if you truly stopped to notice, how incredible it would be for you ❤️

Monday, 25 April 2022

 I am so happy that he has made it, he got to where I wanted. If he knew that everything, every little thing (even when I told about some of my ex-boyfriends) I said and done was for him to get exactly to where he is now as a person and everything he got to have, he would probably still not thank me just out of pride LOL but I am really happy that he made it and that he can have a healthy love now. :)

 I swear that I don't get it, how can you ever be the one, it simply doesn't exist, it's impossible, though it's impossible to deny.

Again and again, Nothingman

 "Once divided, nothing left to subtract..., some words once spoken can't be taken back"... 

I'm gonna hang in just a little bit more, but then I'm done. I always knew this would be the end for me this year. That's what the 2(0)22 meant. 

I wish I had had a better chance than what I had, but maybe it's really like I heard yesterday "there is no chance/luck, only karma".

No one will ever know for sure. That is funny a bit to think of now.

 I never meant to hurt anyone, not even myself. 
But the storm is bigger than anything
And spares no one in its passage.

Trust issues

Of all the people who abandoned me, even knowing how ill I am, you are the only ones that I miss because I trusted you.
After spending years without needing anyone or even feeling lonely, never felt it really, I started feeling it only because of you. 

Sunday, 24 April 2022

It's me you wanted sleeping beside you

 Yes, I know what you feel, that I should be the one waking up beside you and that's why it's hard to hear my voice now even if you love hearing it. 

You'll spend your whole life with that feeling buried inside, that guilt, and you'll remember me from time to time, because there was no one like me to you and she is just too basic. But she is the one you chose ultimately, although you had no option. But then again, had you not really? 

We tell ourselves things are exactly as they should be, just for us not to bother. Yes, I think I did it too. It's a nice life you chose for yourself, isn't? It's at least all I can hope for you: for you to be happy and truly feel accomplished with the life you chose. 

Seen in perspective, some people get to have incredible lives. You had. You should be grateful. I didn't have and can't, but even so I'm so grateful when I think of the love I had and also that you gave to me. 

Years go by and all that's left is these memories that sometimes come again to remind us how we used to be.

Saturday, 23 April 2022

To be with you in dreams

 I wish I could meet you in my dreams, every night, at least. To live a life larger than life with you. To learn how to recover joy again as before. To feel everything. To fall in love with you, to see you and have that feeling that we already knew each other for a lifetime.

Thursday, 21 April 2022

Sun and Moon

 There will always be this sadness between us, this ache, because we will never be close. 

Tuesday, 19 April 2022

Monday, 18 April 2022

How long for will we hang on?

 For how long can we pretend we're not suffocating?
The air gets denser, my lungs shrink, my heart is too fast
I can't breath anymore when I acknowledge the truth
I see  you going crazy all over again depressed
Trying to do what you must do
Me too, I try, sometimes I really do, 
But it's not long before I fall into that absolute sadness
Of knowing we're not able to be close physically
And that it is all too much for me to even to think of it
I couldn't probably bear it, my body would collapse,
but I still imagine us, holding each other 
and slowly pretend a dance just to be glued 

I love you my darling being,
tears come to my eyes when I think of how much
And how I longed for our embrace

You're the girl with the lost soul that found mine
And you're the boy with the dark soul that is like mine.

Saturday, 16 April 2022

 I don't think I'm gonna make it, can't live like this, it's been too long, too much, and I'll never see you near, it's all so pointless... What's the use of feeling all that I felt if I can't even see you all?

Wednesday, 13 April 2022

 Where are you now? Are you happy? 

Little Beloved Monsters

 You're trying too hard, but she can't love you. Not really, ever. We're little monsters, you and I. No one can truly love us, because no one can really know us. 


The man I'm in love with exists only in my thoughts as an imagined perfect character, as the person who is utterly in love with me too and we get to swing slowly so warmly together in the most satisfying and best thing in the whole wide world that is us holding each other. Simple as that. And it's enough to numb the pain of deaths and dying.
Wouldn't it be nice? 
But reality is much different.

Tuesday, 12 April 2022

The strongest fucking thing

 It's too strong, the strongest thing, the connection, and it seems endless and unbreakable (even face the worst and the bad things), it's not physical, it's so much beyond. It is what it is, nothing can be done.

And as for the one who used to be my person and I his, just as he said this morning, it's just like "forever friends".

 I should've learned that no good deed goes by unpunished, in my case. Being a robin hood at 16, employing myself at macdonald's and giving more food hidden in happy meals boxes for poor kids made me catch a virus and have sequels till today... so I should've learned by then goddammit! LOL :/

Thursday, 7 April 2022

 I forgot how beautiful the world can be, its halo of light bathing flowers and trees, the warm breeze and the dancing wind. 

I forgot how beautiful life is. 

Monday, 4 April 2022

I gave you

 I gave you hope when you asked me

I gave you life when you were killing me

I gave you strife when you needed me to

I gave you scope when you begged me to

Friday, 1 April 2022

 It's almost funny how I was so loved through songs, about two decades ago, and now was so hated and insulted through them.