I miss those few moments when we were just pure love. Do you remember? 

 Nothing burns like the fire in our souls

Drop dead

Incinerated

Nothing burns like the fire in our souls

Confessions of no longer a teen

 So, she came home yet another time drunk and aggressive as every week and this time I got myself thinking: I'm no longer that absolutely on her own teen that goes in terror to hide in the room (besides having to save her younger siblings from seeing it all), no, I'm still on my own (physically even more now), I got in my heart my uncle Chico Viola (in my mind reminding his "you're with the spirituality"); sweet G. that wanted to come to surprise me meeting me and saying nice things, immediately "falling for me" at first sight" and loving me as I am too; P. that hated me and treated me so harshly but it was all for me to be better and it makes me think that for a second there he actually cared for my wellbeing; of course mams Lis with all her unconditional love and plus the gift she sent me and I can wear to feel her even closer with me; Ivi who saved me from dying with addison crisis the other time I couldn't breathe; D. with whom I haven't spoken in more than a year but still carry every second in my heart; and M. who is a good friend too and wished I was free to fly and be with them. I'm so thankful for them all who love me and that I love so much, makes me feel less alone in this world and everyday suffer, though they're all so far away. 

Perfect

 I'm addicted to you, don't you know that you're perfect?

(my sea, always and forever, us, it will always be)

Lost

 I'm not just a little bit lost, I am completely fucking lost. The only thing I am sure of is that you are in me all the time, all around, every time. And I miss you. I miss being with you, like I never was, I miss you so much and you're all I want, you're all I need, your arms, my love, you loving me forever and I would be finally safe. I'm in love with you and I can't get through. If you feel me too, please come back to me, talk to me so we can be near always. You are me out of me and I need you most of all, my darling, because otherwise I can't exist. 

Admiration

 I admire people that face themselves. The ones who face their monsters and live to see the other day. I admire people who do the work to get better for themselves and others, even when it's hard. I admire the people who change, who are more aware of their unimportance and also acknowledge their qualities that can make the world a better place.

I admire the people who are gentle after still having to deal with their worst nightmares and lived through wars. I admire the survivors and their strength to carry on, plus being generous. I admire the freedom fighters and the peace makers. I admire people who are truthful and honest and fight for due rights and against injustice. 
I admire the people who live their lives in a philosophy of a peaceful existence of dolce vita and in everyday shabbos, pause, attention and appreciation for the little things and not much value for money. I admire the people who adapt to whatever life throws at them and get by in a stress-free day-to-day, comfortable in their skins and chilling. A bit much like The Dude :)) <3 

 It's sad to realise: there's absolutely no one .

But we were lucky to found each other for the time we did. 

 Everybody seeks something that will make them feel alive. And thus we relinquish our own power of self-sufficiency. We are phoetus that were cut off by the umbilical chord to the only connection that we had and made us. No wonder everyone feels disconnected somehow.

I love you

 I've been loving you beyond anything I've ever experienced. But you do not love me. You never did and told me I was a nuisance from the beginning and that you didn't want to talk to me. I didn't know that I fell so hard in love with you. So very deeply that I couldn't even admit it to myself. 

I fought against that so much that I went full on kamikaze mode. I never did it like that before. I didn't even know completely what I was doing. It was a crazy, mind bobble passion. If I only knew that you never loved me too and that you didn't even care if I was dead or alive, I would never even exchanged any conversation with you. I hated what I became influenced by almost all of your friends. I learned to never listen to others, especially when they're only gossiping about people. I was so secluded before, not even talking daily to three people on a monthly average for 5 years at least. That's why I was completely off-character and just adapting my speech and behaviour to people as they were appearing. 

I wish you could at least give me a chance to be in your life somehow, because I would really like to have you in mine.

(this last paragraph is the complex shit. again, words are shit, one can't say a millimeter of what wants just with words)

 I always wonder which (if) song you'll sing to remember me.. ;(