A great life

 You won't be able to say I had a great life. I was battered and bruised since a very young age and throughout my life, more or less physically and psychologically.. I didn't get to do so much of what I wanted, so many dreams I had and couldn't realize. I got sick really badly at a very early time in life and then couldn't have any more conditions to do anything that I really wished for. 

So you won't be able to say I had a great life. It was kind of intense in terms of shitty things all the times and lacking on really good complete moments, but I made myself as if I felt content many times. I guess everyone forces themselves on something, so in my case it's making believe that I had few really good moments in this world. 

I envied David Gandy, Phillipe LeBlonde and Fiumani for their lives many times, but only them I guess, probably because they were  men (quite handsome) who could do what they wanted in this life. For many times that I used to see some moment of their lifes, I thought "what a great life!", that it was a great way of living.