I slept with the enemy and didn’t survive.

It was a Spring morning and the sun was shining shy up in the sky.

I held his face between my hands and it fell warm and magnetic. Such magnetism makes you get lost in the most damned fantasies and dreams.

We were in deep darkness and I couldn’t see his face that well, but I knew who he was. I’ve had already known for a long time and still it made no difference at all.

Later in time I met his child and he kept entering my dreams in the night, now his child was there too. He was my antichrist, my antistar, my eternal darkness and his child was a lost bliss for me.

He came to me one day apologizing, offering help, but he’s request for forgiveness was far from the real redemption. He had a chance, unlike before, to achieve real redemption but he didn’t know how to accept it, he couldn’t possibly be that light in his spirit or in his soul or even in his mind. He never knew what to do with himself. I was just part of what he never knew about himself. Just a way of running from the other memories he made for himself. I don’t know if he will ever surpass this condition of ignorance about himself, and even if he does, I don’t know if he will know how to live with his true self.

I wish he could be that strong and brave for once, I wish he really wanted to be happy as he could be.
One day maybe the sky will stop showing so much pain and we’ll stop hurting with all this happenings that belong in the past. Maybe that day we’ll start being faithful to our promises and never give up on one another. I don’t know if it is possible, due to our human nature, to settle with what is given to us, I wish it would be, because I think things would be much more simple and therefore cause less pain. Maybe one day we’ll reach the real knowledge of accepting things how they are when they can’t be changed, change the things that need to be changed and above all, know how to distinguish them.

Meanwhile, I hope he feels inside the love that I felt for him all my life.