A mulata morreu 

Descansa finalmente 

Eu já entendi o que aconteceu 

Eu sei que acabou tudo

O meu coração só mente

 The fantasy is gone. The idea of hope. The faith. Reality overcame and the mind and heart, both so bruised and broken, have succumbed to the fact that wishing and imagining a better thing won't be a guarantee that it will become real. 

They say you have to push through, to keep on always dreaming and carry that everyday, without giving up, because it might take decades but it becomes inevitable. That you must focus and enjoy yourself raising your vibrations and capacity to realize it. But people spend years trying and never get there.

When you're living on alert mode all your life trying to resolve serious problems with which you're bombarded with, it becomes impossible to do anything else of what would be better to materialize some good. 

The world is beyond saving by humans

 I was just thinking of how a person, that if I think of love, of the ones I most love, is supposed to do birthday today. And how I'm not going to be able to speak with her. And next I see the news of Hayden Panettiere's death with 36 years. "Save the cheerleader, save the world", but she's dead and the world is beyond saving as always facing Humanity's heartbreaking destruction. Before all this, I had just confirmed a news of lions and polar bears going extinct, besides the flagrant alarming fact of drinkable water being at risk. Where are we going to end? No one is doing anything, we're all just letting all worst scenarios predicted decades ago unfold as we are just leaning back, watching in high resolution and waiting for a saviour like artificial intelligence that is precisely one of the most accelerating culprits of this debacle. 

Anyway, my dear, have a blast for me my lovely. I guess maybe will only see eachother on the other side, or not even that. 🤷🏽

 Second chances I gave to everyone, but it was more for me to let go. 

The facts

 There isn't anyone.

There is no cure for any of my illnesses or problems in all areas of life.

We're all going to die one of these random days. 

"Shut it off"

 Stop sorting everybody you've ever loved into lost / leaving / might leave / didn't come back / perhaps still remembers me.

For a few hours, nobody needs to be interpreted.

Not him.

Not anyone.

Not the universe.

Not the eclipse.

Not the eye.

Not even you.

Just sleep

I'll always remember your birthday

 I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born today

when 23 years ago my grandma died

and she was most important in my life

I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born in the same day

but 100 years after my once favourite poet

and you are the eternal love of my life 

I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born in the same day

I would marry if I ever decided to

and also in my same month of birthday 

I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born in the same day

that my little sister but 5 years before 

I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born in the same day 

as my uncle and my sister's bestie

I'll always remember your birthday 

because you were born in the same day 

as my uncle and 5 days before my day 

(truth for most is that I remember their birthday first and not only because of the others)

 Make me your North Star 

I won't waver for a million years 

Be my North Star

I have been waiting for you

For a thousand years 

 I was never chosen, just needed. Now no one needs me, thankfully. All it is lacking now is to be chosen.

 You are not mine

You're an enraged violent person 

You're heart is made of stone

You just wish to break bones

And you're nowhere to be found 

You don't like yourself 

You keep putting a nice face

While you mock everyone 

And sometimes shower them

With improvised speeches of kind

Giving people a load of compliments 

That you know you're faking

Because deep inside you're envious

I see how you only love a few

The ones you depend on 

The ones who let you do

Everything just how you want to

No matter what it means 

You just want to master them

Like a maestro with his band

Tu que dizes gostar de mistério 

E deixas tudo no ar 

E acabas abruptamente tudo

Como se não te passasse de um jogo

E eu odiei ganhar 

Como o amor me salvou

Num tempo pestilento 

 Sometimes we got to sacrifice ourselves for the people we love, and sometimes that turns into always.

I hold everything inside

 I hold light and dark inside 

And this love and hate so tight 

I balance and juggle it all

I tend to struggle and fall

Sometimes I break apart 

I guess it's normal when you're tall

But not when you're like me

So short and small

He was never real

 I depended on him to stay alive 

Everyday with his singing

I waited like a junkie with withdrawal 

Just to see and hear him again

My air when I was suffocating 

My heart pump when I was flatline

He was indeed then the love of my life 

But I was wrong and deluded 

To think that it was all real

He wasn't there for me at all

He was just doing his usual deal

Playing to everyone and having fun

Had I known right in the beginning 

And I wouldn't have made him my sun

 I have loved you like the sky 

Infinitely 

Even when I discovered 

That you don't believe 

in infinity 

 Principles are just writings on the wall, decorating a life that is gone; someone who has no home, no law, no hope on the horizon. Would it be nice that everyone knew, once in their lives, what it is to feel unconditional love and feel loved by someone who is irreplaceable? 

I really can't say/don't know if it would! ...

 There's no such thing as romantic love in this post-modern era, just in old movies.

(and that's why I love oldies and now been watching 1930's on b&w ones)

 You are the flowers of evil spawn by the worst things in the world and all the deeds of pure destruction that you've been inflicting on/for the entirety of my wretched existence should burn you inside out till you're just ashes blown by the wind. 

 One can choose to focus the eyes on the dark or in the light, but with way you turn blind. 

 I asked him if he would still love me old and grey. He answered: I will love you any way.

(old writing was with "she", but I remember I asked him back in those years, so.)