Mission

 So it turns out it's not a matter of having a reason to live but instead trying to get to the deep consciousness to see if one can find out what is their mission in life. It might be a really simple mission, like having to press one button everyday, but it's the one thing that you are meant to be doing in the "great design of things". 

I was thinking that being useful - in quantities that don't surpass my well-being - is one of the things I like for feeling that it's not all going to waste and that dying isn't stopping me from doing all the things totally. But that is not my mission, I thought before that it could be that the things I write could help others feel less alone in this world, knowing that there's someone who is a bit like them. I wish that was true, like once when I had a reader on my blog, João was his name, and he used to say how much my writing meant for him. 

I guess making a difference in someone's life (like it has happened all my life doing it for others somehow) is something I also like when it happens. Just have sort out in between the things related to self-esteem issues and ego too. 

The mission, more concrete and pressing, is to keep on going, stay alive, do the things that are needed like the book and try to realize for good what is The Mission.