I love you

 I've been loving you beyond anything I've ever experienced. But you do not love me. You never did and told me I was a nuisance from the beginning and that you didn't want to talk to me. I didn't know that I fell so hard in love with you. So very deeply that I couldn't even admit it to myself. 

I fought against that so much that I went full on kamikaze mode. I never did it like that before. I didn't even know completely what I was doing. It was a crazy, mind bobble passion. If I only knew that you never loved me too and that you didn't even care if I was dead or alive, I would never even exchanged any conversation with you. I hated what I became influenced by almost all of your friends. I learned to never listen to others, especially when they're only gossiping about people. I was so secluded before, not even talking daily to three people on a monthly average for 5 years at least. That's why I was completely off-character and just adapting my speech and behaviour to people as they were appearing. 

I wish you could at least give me a chance to be in your life somehow, because I would really like to have you in mine.

(this last paragraph is the complex shit. again, words are shit, one can't say a millimeter of what wants just with words)