Who can say?

 Maybe I will survive another year at least, who knows if I will? When I held her last it felt that I wouldn't see her again, that I wouldn't be here. And she felt something too, because she wallowed for second after that. I couldn't say it out loud. I still wanted to realise some dreams of mine, any if only one, please. I loved them so much, I hope they know it, at least, and may always feel it. Just thought now: I'm sorry to go but mostly I feel like I was long over due.

I still wanted us, for real, in all truth and sincerity, as transparent as clear water. 

Your whole life

 All that is left is your whole life. I think you know what I'm talking about. You should go ahead and do it. I would if I had the money and health to do it. You on the other side have it, so what's keeping you??

 I guess you always knew I didn't like you that much. I mean, how could I? You're quite an awful person. How much hurt you caused to so many... 

 I want "a misfit with a gentleman's soul" .  Decent guys are rare. There are no more Paul Newmans, are there? 

I'll know when I find you

 I don't know what I have been searching for all these years, but I know that when I find you I will know.

We held on as much as we could, moreover, we held on and let go at the same time too much. 

I still miss you every day and every night, but I know I couldn't have made you my own personal Orpheus for all my life as I needed. I'm already grateful for having had you, though I made it a hell of a disaster I know it was a beautiful miracle in a few moments.

No one will ever know how much love and hate we produced all together. No one will remember too in time. But me. It will always be the most significant and elusive things that happened. 

 Considering the end of all things, everything is overrated. 

 When you left me, I felt a sense of achievement and then immediately a sense of despair and shattered heart. The irony of it all: not standing to see you without having you and making you loathe me and stronger than anything to face everyone and never let anyone bother you anymore, and being honest with yourself. Yes, what a joke it was for me, like I knew it was going to be since almost the beginning. And no one will ever know why I did it and that it all started because of your best friends who made me help you and pity your situation and admire you also. I am so very proud of you. 

Deeply hidden

 If you pay close attention to nature or anything around you, you can have the awe of finding something deeply hidden. 

 It could seem funny that no one really deserved me and they all knew it, if it wasn't just sad. 

 Deep inside, everyone knows they're just a big piece of shit.