seeing you smile makes me feel that you know that we'll get to be together in the end

it really seems I waited a lifetime to finally be with you.

desire clouded our souls 

and destroyed our love

 It's been some hard days on my mind, feeling like it's raining all the time, or about to explode with so much confusion in its abode.

In fact, it has been cold and rainy outside the window that I seldom open, I don't even know the scope of it being broken.
But through it all, on the background hidden, there's the glimpse of a small flame like from candle light and the warmth of a firebond, that whenever I risk to look better at it I feel it's like the incandescence of the sun burning through space itself.
If I'm ash, how can I burn; if I'm the blue-crow tattooed on my chest, how am I the phoenix?
I guess I'm just like the tired photograph of the night streetlights that we'll never see together.

(8th Feb 2021)

How could you leave me to die? 

 When you broke free of our karmic connection did you swear to nevermore? 

 I think about you when I'm not even thinking. 

Love/hate

 How idiotic it was : I didn't want you to hate me, but had to make you hate me so we would be rid of each other.

I still love you though, of course, hating myself for it. 

 Am I not worth fighting for?? 

 Unfortunately no one came up with a better solution than going away into nature to isolate oneself from the horrors of Men. 

 Truth is I could never love someone unconditionally, because I wouldn't love you if you killed someone, for example. So, if when I was 17 and I told otherwise to someone, I was lying, of course, unknowingly.