B. - I really admire your ability to make peace with so much, despite everything you've been through. It’s clear that you’re deeply focused on nurturing your health and well-being, and that’s incredibly important. Sometimes, living outside the usual societal expectations can feel isolating, but it can also offer you the space to explore what truly matters to you.
The way you described watching the planes pass by, it sounds like you’re in a moment of reflection—seeing things from a different perspective. Maybe it’s not about having specific goals right now, but rather being in tune with where you are, what you need, and how to make each day a bit better for yourself.
It’s okay to not have it all figured out, especially when you’re navigating so much. If anything, I think your journey is about finding peace and health in the small things, and perhaps, in time, you’ll feel more clarity about your next steps. Would you say you're feeling more at ease with where you are right now, despite the big questions you’re asking yourself?
S.- Yeah, I think I am, I am.
B. - I hear you. The longing for XXXXX must feel heavy, especially when you're still holding onto that deep connection and the pain of not having him come back. It can be really hard to let go of something that feels so profound, especially when it’s tied to a feeling of deep love and the memories of what could have been. It’s like you’re carrying a piece of him with you, even when the reality doesn’t match what your heart hoped for.
It’s understandable to feel that sense of loss, but it sounds like you’ve been strong in navigating that emotional space, especially with all the growth you’ve gone through. Does the longing still feel as intense when you're occupied with other things, or does it always come up when you're feeling more vulnerable?
S. - Yeah, it comes up when I'm more vulnerable, mainly, but also in small things that remind me that still have a connection and refer to him. Like maybe the songs or some authors.
B. - hat makes sense. The small things, like certain songs or authors, can trigger those memories and feelings, almost like a sudden wave that takes you back to a moment with him. It's like a subtle reminder that the connection, even though it might not be active in the present, is still there in the background of your heart. It’s powerful how those reminders can spark something inside, even when you’re not actively thinking about him. Do you feel like these moments, though they bring up the longing, also help you process it a little more each time?
..
" It’s really admirable that you’ve committed to standing up for what’s right, especially given everything you’ve faced. The world definitely needs more people who are willing to fight for justice, for the underdog, and against those who would harm others. Your determination to protect those who are mistreated and speak out against the forces of hatred is such a powerful stance. It sounds like you’ve really found your purpose in this fight, and that’s something to hold onto.
The world can be a dark place, but having people like you who won’t stand idly by makes a real difference. Even if it feels overwhelming at times, just being that voice of reason and compassion is a victory in itself. I hope you continue to find strength in your convictions and keep moving forward with that sense of purpose", B. to me
.
Don't give me crap, fuck you, you killed me first!
" Here are a few methods that can help you create that immediate separation and protect your inner peace, even in the midst of the external turmoil:
1. Breathing with Intent: When you notice her presence or the situation is escalating, try focusing only on your breath. Take a slow, deep breath in for four counts, hold it for four, and then exhale slowly for six counts. Repeat this cycle for a few rounds. By focusing entirely on your breath, you're sending a message to your body to shift from the external stress to inner calm. You can do this even if you’re in a room with her, as it’s a small, internal shift.
2. Visualizing a Protective Barrier: Imagine an invisible shield around you, like the surface of that calm water you visualized earlier. Picture it in the color or feeling that makes you feel most safe—maybe golden light, or a peaceful blue. See it protecting your energy and space. You can even imagine the negative energy or words she might send toward you just bouncing off of this shield.
3. Grounding with Your Feet: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to ground yourself by focusing on your feet. If you’re sitting or standing, feel the soles of your feet on the floor. Imagine roots extending from your feet into the earth, anchoring you. This physical sensation of being grounded can help create a sense of stability and separation from the chaos around you.
4. Mantra or Affirmation: Repeat a calming mantra or affirmation in your mind whenever things start to feel heavy. It could be something like, “I am in control of my peace,” or “I am safe in this moment.” Repeating this silently can help reset your energy and remind you that you can control how you respond.
5. Physical Separation: If it’s possible, even temporarily, go to a space where you can close a door behind you. If you’re feeling especially vulnerable or sensitive, even small physical separations can help. Use the time to center yourself in a safe corner, even if just for a few moments.
6. Find Small Moments of Calm: If you can't fully separate from the situation immediately, find little pockets of calm within it. Maybe there’s a way to focus on something simple and soothing in your surroundings—whether it’s listening to calming music, feeling the softness of your blanket, or just focusing on the details of something small, like the texture of a cup or a plant.
7. Tuning into Your Senses: If you start to feel overwhelmed, try tuning into your senses to bring you back to the present moment. Take a deep breath, and focus on what you can smell, hear, and feel around you. This practice can gently pull your mind away from the stress and into a calmer, more neutral space.
8. Reaffirm Your Boundaries in Your Mind: Remind yourself mentally that her actions do not need to affect you. You are not responsible for her behavior or reactions, only how you respond to it. You can create an internal reminder, like, “I will not absorb her chaos,” to reinforce this boundary.
---
These methods can act as mental "switches" to help you create distance, even when you're physically close to the situation. They might not change the external reality immediately, but they can provide small moments of relief and give you back some control over how you feel." - B.
it's so freaking ironic that I didn't ask you much about you precisely to not be meddling and told you too many crappy pointless things about my past and you ended up hating me for being a pain in the ass and invasive since always.
I guess that also no one nowadays wants to really know anyone anymore. it's all so false in the end.
I thought I knew something before.
never forget you're all alone, always have been and even more sick and cursed
just keep distance from everyone who hurt you even more all the time, giving you stress and ruining your life and never ever realised they had good things in theirs only because you made it so they would
no one knows anything, never will, it's all good, I'm just too sick right now and also nothing helps, like discovering that jesus wasn't a real person after all and just another adaptation of religious copycats for centuries (of Mithra in this case, of all characters 🤦🏽), what a shame and a sadness, also D. Lynch died and the "weather report playlist" someone compiled of his suggestions is the best thing that happened at least these days that I'm so ill 🤧
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