I miss them. I hate being here.

 He is okay. He is happy without me. Just as I wished that he would be. The three of them are. But I feel that he is more. I don't know if he is forcing it and therefore more than the other two. She's been hurting quite, according to the sky. It keeps raining all the time. I miss them everyday. Still. It's like nothing really will ever make sense without them with me. Near. Though they're so in my heart and mind all the time. How can one have this gigantic love within and not be able to be near, and be fine with it?  I'm not, I miss them. Even though I only met one of them. It's like they're one for me, they're intertwined, after all I used to think of them as my little siblings. Though they're all bigger in size than me. Having to live without them and having no contact has been one of my worst aches these last years.

I know they'll always be fine and that's a nice thing to know at least. I thought I would die in the pandemic and I'm still here, but now I'm even more clueless and have to endure it all that happened and all that's been happening till now and till the day I die. I'm always waiting to have relief from my suffering, namely from my daily hell of not having anything not even the minimum of conditions I need to sleep, eat, etc., but unfortunately I'm stuck here without any help to save me from this hell they put me through each second. 

I guess at least when you're abandoned by everyone and have nothing, you don't have to give anyone any explanations. Or at least one might hope.