This is all so crazy, that I was actually thinking of how I might have "wished" this all through my life unconsciously. This whole thing of an impossible and fantasy love and me dying and having this feeling so certain.
And to know that inadvertently, for all the effort I made in helping all of them I have worsen my state of disease to an ending point, is again that idea that I am actually really dying of love. The love that I had didn't save me at all, how people may think, it actually was my demise.
How pathetic of a ultraromantic era character have I become, it's really idiotic and to laugh about.
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