Another Addisonian Crisis, hadn't had one this strong in a while, all because of her again, with her vicious sentences to hurt me all the time, making me remember how I'm nothing but a crappy shit, and then of course I couldn't take it anymore, blew up as a good old traumatized kid for my whole life, with the accumulation of triggers, still have the shakes and the coldness and an ache in my chest, my cardiac part, it's all messed up. Being sick and not having anyone who understands is awful, especially when you weren't loved as you should have been for the people that should have loved you most.
At least he didn't leave me completely hanging today and also seeing him sing is so important to me that it saves me too in some ways. If he only knew how important he is, more than life itself, I guess it would be too much to carry on the shoulders, already is.
But the truth still is the same: if it weren't for the good things they make I wouldn't have almost anything to be glad about in this life and truly enjoy something. I know I should be glad too when I make my own art, and I do achieve that, but it's different, it's another sense of fulfillment of course.
Also makes me feel hypocrite for trying to make someone not kill himself when all I've been wanting to do all my life whenever crap like this happens, even more, is to die and finally not have to suffer anymore with all this hell every time.
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