They aren't my family (D,G,P,and their families) after all

 It was never meant to be. I don't fit. I never did. 

They're all so healthy or so screwed up, all those perfect families, but I'm always adverse. 

Where was my family? Why didn't it feel ever like mine? (I thought me and RH had it but i was always left aside/behind) Maybe only with my soul brother but not with any other guys. No, it's not true, there was B. (with whom I fell in love with too decades ago) family there so far, they could've been mine because they already felt like that then. 

Life is sad and one just carries on... (alone but aware)

Nothing that fades was meant to be held forever. (what will never fade will be held🤞🏽🙌🏽❤️)