Now that I have been more sick it has become harder not to call you. I don't know if the other day was a fluke or just another thing meant for me to face stuff and take other kind of decisions or just another chance like telling me that the time has come. I wish that I can really rest when I am dead, because it's going to be awful if it turns out the suffering continues and I'm aware of it all as always. Crap, I hated almost every second of this shit.