The only choices I make

 Each time I push someone hard, making them face and put up with what they need to become stronger and develop, to give the necessary leap, I always end with a sense of guilt afterwards. But eventually, as the person does make the leap and the things unfold as they should, I get happy for them, though they become a tad insensitive and more hard. And of course, for me it's always really not good all the process and doing this whole bad (like the worst) guy part.

I have to remind myself from now on to not do it anymore. Even if the person really needs it and is someone that I care for extremely. I must not do anything anymore, because it's a real messed up process and I always end up very badly too. I haven't got no sufficient health anymore for this.