It's okay, it was just an illusion

 It's okay, it was just an illusion that my heart and mind created in order to withstand the harshness and suffering of life as it's always been. I think I am now more free, as I acknowledged that he wasn't, in almost everything, the person I thought he was. 

I held on to the idea of him for so long, always thinking that whenever I was feeling better from my emotional strife, everything would make me remember him again, like the mind was grabbing all that it could associate to him and make me remember him more again. I guess that must be a symptom of the addicted mind system giving its desperate signals when it sees that the reminiscing is rarer. 

Anyway, I wish I had a real chance in this world to see how it feels to actually find someone that is completely safe and ours to know better, grow old alongside the genuine version of ourselves.