everyone who was supposed to protect me abandoned me at an early age and so on, each time ppl leave it reopens the wound. I used to be funny and witty because of trauma and hurt, surviving mechanism. since I loved everyone in the pandemic and was told I was an awful person and got my heart stumped on by one of them, then ppl started abandoning me too, I was completely erased in the joy I had. then the deaths came along, after all the therapeutic processes that were so devastating too. now, having nothing but awful conditions, I just returned to that feeling of waiting to die too, because I don't have any hope for anything anymore of joy. the blues have always been strong and deep in my all.
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