So please forgive the state I've been

 I was thinking if there was anything in this life of so much suffering and violence that would make it worth it. Then immediately you came to my mind singing this incredibly beautifully, those first words, the gravity and emotion in your voice, the way it hit so hard back then. (though it was probably about her, I would give it all to be me in that moment - how could you do it? nevermind. I know, I understand, I made it too and I guess there wasn't anything I could do that would make you choose me for you forever more)

You were indeed the love of my life, even if you never existed like I thought you did. The most out of this world feeling I ever had and that will never have a true explanation one can rationalize about. If only it was our true love felt, immeasurable and endless, like there was none before. I was just a fool to believe and sometimes I can't believe it was real. I love you, no matter.