A pandemic love story

 Okay, let's face it all, shortly/briefly as it can be here, let's do this.
Let's see how it all became this crazy love story...

First, when we were choosing who we were going to ask for the name to enter on the biggest live streaming I chose yours, because you had a foreign surname and generally, especially here, the quality of work is high. 
When you entered with your look of a startled deer I thought it was a bit silly, but funny, and as our great owner of that live said, it's kind of funny how people ask to be in the live streaming and she warns that she is going to call them and then they look so shocked. But, anyhow, it's all understandable. For the song you chose, I didn't think the sound of your voice was incredibly special, enough for me to follow your work. 
Time passed and you showed up on another live that I liked along with someone I started followed immediately when he entered that other big live, because he saved us all that night from everyone that was crying before and then laughed so hard. He was our kind of Jesus that night and soon enough we became good buddies, because we're similar in heart and innocent fun side. 

When I did a drawing of you and other two artists, saying you were musketeers I believed you were really good hearted people that saved so much with your art. Then I came to see who you were and what your were doing and confirmed it, the first impressions of youngster with a good heart and helping people.
I saw that you could use help and some guidance, took you under my wing as artistic protégées to help grow in audience. And so it became the rush, putting you in every live, making groups to support you, making connections and advertising your work and who you were.

When you approached me, we soon discovered we had a kind of karmic thing going on as you did the same that someone was a bit doing to me and we were going through similar other things too. 
Given my experience I saw, and bit recognized, that it was like a soul thing somewhat and that probably would give me trouble as I'm always too transparent and many times say what I see and question people to know more and understand. 

Time passed by and "we were on a roll", because without the other two active in live streaming, I had focused more on accompanying you and helping your impact and broadness. 
It was all pretty crazy and intense and on a rush, and then with my hyper adrenaline and complete honesty of being I made everything I could to bring you more people to you fan database, including that whole moustache and then the most crazy dream pandemics with everyone dreaming of you. Discovering so on point how people can be suggestible was rather weird and scary at some times.

Anyway, I told you I'd carry on with my care for you even if afar and if you wanted me to stop you should say so anytime and in a gentle way if possible due to my illness not dealing with aggressively ways  :D 
Meanwhile. people kept bad mouthing stuff between us, saying things that never occurred to me and even started to make me a bit annoyed because of that whole culture that a guy and a girl can't be friends, or someone helping another can't be with no interest at all.
It was really strange to me to think about all that, because indeed I never even saw you as more than a young man who also didn't have that attractiveness to me, not only because I wasn't interested in those kind of things, but also because your looks weren't the looks I'd naturally attract my eyes to. That fact, later, was what I found funny too of the coincidence between the story of that beautiful and spiritual couple F and H, and how she told the same, and whole story that someone over there mentioned about soul flames.

Sometimes, there were so many coincidences between us and with everyone too, that it also started to seem also that you did care for what I said too. So amidst February I admitted to myself something very bad was happening, something that made me feel that I was betraying your trust, like my already immeasurable but pure love and care had become with a bit of jealousy for an episode or two and so it might have happened that what I never expected to happen, was happening, and I really was falling in love with you. 
I struggled and battled and felt like the worse person, because to me that was the worse thing that could happen, me falling in love (and even more with a person overseas); I mean, I'm the one always saying (and talking about that oldies "what do you do when you fall in love, you catch pneumonia") that passion is the worse thing, it (proved scientifically) makes people dumb and sick and blind. And all we ever did all this time was never see each other unless virtually in the same live once, whilst you were pretty wasted already, but you said really nice things about me and it seemed you got really sad after I disconnected. 
I always had my speech towards you like I do with everyone, that you shouldn't get close, keep the distance, I'm of risk, have problems of health of blood and hyper adrenaline, blablablah 
Probably I even made some crazy bug in my brain for listening to you singing that same song on looping for dozens of times, though it really saved me back then. 

Anyway, after so long of questions and uncertainty and then realizing that maybe it's not that you hate me, but instead you did think of me also for a long time now, and I thought of all the songs, all the coincidences, all the words, all the difficulty, it dawned me that you might have had a real thing going on about me too even before I did. I guess sometimes I really asked myself if I was being manipulated into all this, especially when supposedly who are your best friends approached me saying so many nice things and all. 
I guess I'll never know if everything I realized about what you were feeling was true and I was feeling too.

Anyway, I just wanted you to be happy as I told you so many times I wished I could take away the pain and make everything better. 
I don't think I ever did anything like what I did afterwards of pressuring you so much and going so crazy, absorbing all your feeling and moods, always trying to make them better somehow. 
Still, I don't know if this all happened because it had to happen for us to be better as individuals and more conscient, but I hope yes, that it turned out to be a fruitful thing for the upcoming era and maybe in that sort of spiritual awakening supposedly too. 

But the love is real, I tell you, too damn much. I hope one day it won't bother you so much that I exist and did what I did. I know it coincided with the concrete separation of your bestie too of the band, especially him coming precisely to here, but I hope time brings clarity and lightness of mind and heart to you somehow, without more escapes and lies to yourself and others.

P.S.: Not including here all the episode concerning the tons of synchronicities and the moon and the water and everything.